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Speak to the social worker at the hospital about all of this, and tell her or him that dad cannot come home because mom CANNOT care for him. Period. He needs placement and meds to control his erratic behavior.
Good luck with a terrible situation.
It was hard to say I cannot handle him at home anymore but when I did and health professionals also experienced his behaviour, they made special efforts to help both of us. Life is OK now. You and your mother CANNOT live with the kind of stress you are experiencing. It takes a terrible toll. I wish you the best.
I'm sorry that you and your poor mother are having to go through this.
There are places that will take him but it may not be in the same city as you.
A few years back one of the ladies in my caregiver support group was having the same issue with her father, as he was extremely violent and was kicked out of 3 or 4 memory care facilities, before she was able to find one several cities away that was willing to take him.
And yes, it's my understanding that they did have to keep him pretty heavily medicated.
Hopefully you'll be able to find a good facility soon. Make sure that the social worker at the hospital is helping you and your mother do just that.
Your mom needs to work with a social worker at the hospital. She needs help placing him in a facility that understands how to manage and medicate a demented person with violent tendencies. She also needs help to file for Medicaid to help pay for the facility and medical bills he is racking up.
At just 74 years old, this is very tragic for the man & his family.