By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I understand about not wanting the nursing home. I have not been in your shoes but have been in and out of caretaking for friends and family for many years. So my memories of NHs aren’t pleasant for the most part but I do know they aren’t all the same and some folks can manage better than others.
I’m concerned about what will happen if one of the three of you went down.
Do you have a back up plan? Do the sisters ever come to relieve you? Did they come when your dad was in the hospital?
I’m not big on hounding siblings or anyone but I doubt they realize the extent of your sacrifice.
So do you have DPOA for your parents? Do they have a will? Do they recognize that you are there for them and appreciate you?
I’m glad you have community Medicaid lined up. Hopefully it will come in soon. I know it’s not much but I also know that every little bit helps whether it’s money, exercise, proper diet, sleep. You have to have something in your life to fill you up. To lift you. If there is a church or other social group that you could attend where you can connect ... even if it’s for 15 or 30 min. do so. Meditation is awesome in how it can bring peace to your spirit.
Please do continue to post. You write anything you want to. You are young and you may not realize just how fast time can slip away. Be strict with yourself. Keep in shape mentally and physically. Do something to lift yourself if you are going to make it to see her through. You can’t just check your own life as if it doesn’t matter. That’s not how you honor your parents.
Hugs to you MissN. I’ll be looking for your posts.
So, you took the respite care or do you get paid?
Can your dad manage on his own if mom is in respite or are you then only caring for one parent?
Is it possible to have a conference call with all of your siblings and help them understand that room and board is not enough for 24/7/365 care. They have no idea how much work caregiving is or you wouldn't have to beg for some pocket cash.
You have obviously decided that you are in this for the long hall, so now to figure out how to survive this journey.
Is it possible to get Medicaid to pay someone else to come in weekly to give you a regular break?
Can any of your siblings or your parents afford to pay you a small amount weekly?
Here's the reality of your situation and it is hard. You have made this decision and if your siblings don't agree that mom and dad should stay home, they aren't going to support you. They don't agree that you have made the best choice or is it they haven't been around in so long they really don't know?
Please don't take questions as criticism, information is power and the more you provide the more help you will get. Also, writing stuff down makes us look at the reality of what is going on.
Hugs! You can make it through this,even though right now it probably doesn't feel like it.
I beg because I have lost all my income, and my sisters think Mom and Dad are 100% my responsibility since I live in their house to take care of them. They would love it if I could give up sleep completely and work at night as well as take care of the folks. I live in Iowa.
Nursing homes are not something I want to do with Mom. We tried Skilled Care and she went into a deep depression. Frankly, I one worked in a nursing home and have deep concerns about the ones in our town meeting her needs. My Dad would do okay in a nursing home setting, my Mom would give up and die quickly. I will not do that to her.
My mom qualified for the Medicaid waiver, but I had to choose the option of getting paid for a few hours a day (which has yet to be approved after months of paper work) and respite help. You cannot have both.
I wrote because it was therapeutic to just write how I feel. I am rather alone in my universe. I pray for others and wish everyone well. I am glad when other caregivers get help or have supportive family. Makes me feel good that someone is catching a break.
I get the feeling from some of your responses that maybe I shouldn't have written my post. I am sorry if it was bothersome or unclear. Thank you for your thoughts and I appreciate your time.
Best wishes.
Many times a first post is a bit confusing, as the person writing it is exhausted, worn out and at their wits end. As you stated you were interrupted multiple times, by your mother.
And you have clarified some of the things that were perhaps misread by other posters.
What I am reading loud and clear is the toll of care giving is weighing you down. You are suffering from anxiety, depression and social isolation. Those are huge burdens to carry when not care giving, when 24/7 care giving is added to the mix many of us see red flags.
When we suggest a nursing home or other facility, it is because that is what many here have had to do with their loved one (LO). They got to the point where looking after the LO at home was no longer feasible for any number of reasons.
Your mother may not have dementia, but severe anxiety is a mental health disorder. Is she receiving any treatment for it? Did she receive any treatment when she was depressed before in the Skilled Care? Woudl the 'good mother' who raised you have expected you to give up your life?
Please continue to post and understand that when a posted suggests moving Mum and Dad to a facility it is to provide you with a life too.
For now, what can you do in the next week or two? Tell your sisters you need a weekend off each month and they have to either come to look after you folks or pay for respite care.
You should be paid a wage for providing care, do Mum and Dad have any funds at all? Do they own their home? Have them set up a care giver contract as slavery was abolished in much of the world a long time ago. Hired Live in care givers get paid wages as well as room and board, time off etc.
Miss N,,
Why do you have to beg for money?
As I understand this, it would be a deal breaker if you have no funding to support yourself or your caregiving duties.
Missn123, when the task is more than you can bear, which it certainly sounds like it is, you seek alternatives as others have suggested here. You can only do what you can do. (((Hugs to you!)))
Does either parent have dementia?
Does anyone have a DPOA for your parents?
Have you spoken to the Area Agency on Aging and asked them to come assess your parents level of need?
What state are you living in?
Are you living with your parents in a home they own?
Give us a bit more info so we can give you some assistance.
Have you thought about LTC for both parents? It sounds as though your mother at least needs nursing home care. You can apply for Medicaid for her nursing home care and your father as community spouse will not lose his house. I really urge you to begin this process and start looking at nursing homes .
Please take care of yourself. You deserve to have your life back.