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Call APS.
Something(s) aren't right here.
Find out what is going on.
Who has legal authority ? oversees the finances. This is a good place to start or certainly consider.
Gena / Touch Matters
If your parent is in your siblings home they can’t help & you’d have to get an attorney
You may want to see your parent, but is this feeling mutual?
One of my siblings’ relationship with my parents was a source of incredible heartache for my parents. When they did get together, the “reunions” were a source of discomfort all around. Usually the motivation for that sibling was financial (begging for money, things, etc.) and the visits were negative, unpleasant and even at times emotionally excrutiating. At the end of my parents’ lives they begged to NOT be forced to get together.
In another scenario, perhaps your parent does not physically feel well and wants to avoid visitors. Please do not force a visit to someone who does not want to be visited.
If you have not had a good relationship with your parent - you know it yourself, don’t blame the messenger.
If you want to make contact that is stress-free for your parents, consider sending something nice instead, even a card or letter may help “melt the ice.”
It is problematic for us on this forum to give advice to questions like yours since warring siblings is usually about:
- disagreement about the care of the elder
- concerns over inheritance
- power struggle
- distrust of each other
If the sibling who is cloistering them is not their PoA (and no one is) then you can report the situation to APS or consult with an elder law attorney. Really, we can't give good guidance since if you're the one creating chaos you won't give us this tidbit of information. I'm not saying you are, but this is why we are asking for lots more info from you.
Another option is contact your government center (for the county in which your parents live) and request a family mediator to settle this issue.
If you aren't sure if this sibling is actually both of your parents PoA, please know that this sibling is not legally obligated to show you the document if they make this claim verbally. You will need to have a lawyer send a demand letter that proof be presented before a judge. Often this is enough expose whether they are PoA or not.
So sorry for these circumstances. I wish you success in working it out, without courts or lawyers.
With some POA s it’s a control issue and they think that piece of paper gives them the power to do whatever they want
I'm guessing(since you haven't given us much to go on here)that you WANT to be on the caregivers team, but one of your siblings isn't allowing it.
Does that sibling have the POA's for your parents and that is why they're trying to keep you from them?
Obviously there is WAY more to this story than what you've shared, and until you give us more to go on, I'm not sure how much help we can be for you.
"I am the eldest daughter in firstborn girl of 11 siblings Mother of two grown children and grandmother one 13-year-old boy . I'm part of the caregiving team of my mother and father who are still living both have dementia and other ailments. I love my family and do my best to assist in any way that I can of my parents ".
That's good information, but unfortunately we need more. Do your Mom and Dad live with this sibling who is trying to freeze you out? Or do they live with her?
When you ask sibling the reason for her behavior, what does she tell you?
Generally in the Wars of the Siblings there is a history.
We, if we are to be helpful, need to know a bit of the skermish history.
Occasionally one sibling is "in charge" as in main in-home caregiver and POA. And another sibling seems overly argumentative and disruptive. This can lead the sibling in charge to forbid visits.
That is just an example of reasons we see here.
Do please tell us a bit more about your situation. I am sorry you are enduring it, but can't be any help without knowing the cause.