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And they said this to you...why? To tell you to "put up and shut up"?
I take it the divorce is to get yourself away from this situation which is so severely compromising your health? What does your H do in all of this? Is he away working and you are at home taking care of FIL? Does H do any of the caregiving when he is home?
I agree about finding out if your mom is really unhappy or bored. Maybe, she's content, but, why not have a discussion with her doctor to rule out things like depression. If she's depressed, medication might help. Does she have pain that is being adequately managed? And if she would like to benefit from more social interaction, why not explore a senior day care or Assisted Living for her. That way, she can sit with her tv if she likes or join other seniors for meals, entertainment, shopping trips, activities at the facility, etc. Sometimes our idea of the activity a senior needs is based on our own standards. Hers may be different, but, a place with other seniors, might offer her options.
Does Mom go to church? Ask that the siblings take turns taking Mom to services and again take her for a meal afterward. Find specific things they can do with Mom and ask. Can they each take a night and have Mom over for dinner or bring dinner and stay with Mom for a few hours to give you respite? Yes it will take some effort on you and your sister’s part to get the planning going, but once you get the ball rolling you may be surprised when they start finding thing to take Mom to. Then once you can count on these scheduled activities for Mom you can start planning things you will do when she is out.
week; No phone calls, no talking. Only if its 911. At 6:30 am I take 45 min walk. Im jogging a lil now. Its helps and I juice daily, it's helping my Nerophy. I take my medication as directed. I have to do something for me or I will walk and not come back. Oh and I have 2 hobbies: My family tree & I love taking pictures. Mom's (my son's grandmother) can stay alone 4 now but I see things changing. I've started talking to her about this with her cousin.
I'm in mildly the same boat - one of my *five* (sigh) aunts in their 80s who's disabled calls me pretty often to talk about the weather, the neighbors next door loud TV, what the squirrels in the yard are doing... it's tough b/c I'm pretty busy and it's not always easy to find time to sit and chat for an hour and a half about, well, not much. I know she doesn't have much in her life and try to be patient, but she's both hard of hearing and has a bad habit of interrupting virtually everything I try to say (which is beyond frustrating), so it's more me sitting and listening than anything. At least I can put her on speaker while I do other things... but I do wish more of my cousins would step up to help.
I hear you. It is so hard when siblings are not stepping in to help out. Its always hard having all the responsibility of caring for an elderly parent. I cared for my dad till he passed last year. I never realized how angry or resentful I was about my day to day life caring for him after the stroke.
In hindsight, I did not seek out the supports I needed for myself and him. I know you work and are trying to do your best for your mom. I wonder do you think your mom would do better in a nursing home? Are there any resources in the community or through church that could give your mom more company?
You have right to a life too. Try to take the time and do some things you enjoy too. I know its hard. I did exactly what you did, go to work and spend all my free time at home or running errands for my dad. Since he passed the grief has been more than I can bear. I hardly know what to do with all my time now. I wish so badly I had found a better balance before he passed.
When I have time, I always change the indoor arrangements for the seasons. Generally I keep some green foliage, add white or silver for Jan., red for February, green for March, yellow or mauve for April, pinks or purples for May switching to patriotic colors by Memorial Day. June is often a combination of greens, July is patriotic again, August is whatever strikes my fancy. September, Oct. and Nov. are autumn hues, ending in a burst of golds, rusts, and browns. And of course Dec. is either red and green, navy and white, navy and silver, or green and silver.
It's a lot easier than outdoor gardening, and helps cheer up the soul b/c of the beautiful colors and arrangements that can be created, such as centerpieces, wreaths, swags and more.
On the issue of nonparticipating family members, that seems to be a common complaint here. I try not to become annoyed or angry, b/c it only upsets me. I doubt if the uninvolved members are bothered by their lack of participation to the point of being upset. So why should I be, and add to caregiving frustration?
It's unfair, and a burden as well as shirking of responsibility by the nonparticipating family members. But they're also depriving themselves of the companionship of someone who may die w/o their really having gotten to know their parent during a critical period of her/his life. And that's their loss for not being willing to participate.
One thing you can try to do is relax with your mother. When either you or she are getting frustrated, take a time out, put on some music, have a cup of tea, arrange some artificial flowers, discuss the weather or something non controversial, and just "chill out" with her and enjoy her company while she has the opportunity to enjoy yours.
You can do it alone, but you might get more benefit by sharing it with her. She probably gets frustrated too.