By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I agree with calling APS; this woman should not be alone.
I would report her to APS and let them know she is a vulnerable adult and has no one else and that her only current help -- you -- are moving in September. Then you can block her calls or let them roll into voicemail.
Getting "out of this" won't feel good or comfortable but you've done yeoman's work for her out of the goodness of your heart. Now you need boundaries because she won't or can't respect them from her end.
If you know the hospice organization, make sure they also know you'll be leaving. She may have told them she has a support system in place (you), so let them know that's not the case. Tell them you're leaving at least two weeks before you really are going. You don't need to deal with her stuff up until the minute you leave.
If there are days or a day in the week that you can set aside to help her, then tell her so. Say .."Mary, I can help you out on Monday and Thursday from 9am until 3:30pm. If she needs help out side of that time frame she can hire someone.
If you do not think she is taking care of herself other than when you are available you can report her to the Elder Abuse hotline in your State. (Self neglect is reportable) Or you can report her to APS.
If it has also gotten to the point where you can no longer safely help her tell her that you are unable to continue helping her and that she need to hire someone.
(By the way if you do want to continue I think she should be paying you)
You've done so much for her, my hat is off to you. Please don't feel guilty for quitting this unpaid job now. Enough is enough.
I do agree that you need to decrease the time spent immediately, but use the Indiana Jones substitution method. This is what I might do:
1. Research local sources - city, county, state- to see what they offer, but don't filter it by reading it all and making recommendations. Let her do that. Not only will it gently force her to make more of her own decisions, but you're not leaving her in a vulnerable position as she'll have the chance to make arrangements before you move. And don't back down.
2. If she continues to contact you, you might answer the first few calls but ignore her requests for your assistance and instead focus on what results she's had from contacting the entities on the lists you gave her. Don't ask if she's called; help her realize that you're backing out.
If she continues to call, continue the same inquiry, then announce you have to pack for the upcoming move and although sorry, just can't spend any more time helping her find assistance (not "providing" assistance, but finding it elsewhere).
3. Send her a lovely card stating how much you've enjoyed her friendship, taken pleasure in helping her in the past, and are now going forward, as you plan to continue your life elsewhere. It may not be possible, but try to focus on the fact that you're done, although you've made efforts to aid her in transferring reliance elsewhere.
Good luck.
That's a joke I read sometime ago. But seriously, Baffled, you mentioned you have health issues of your own. Then, use that as the reasons to not work (for free.)
"Sorry, I'm not feeling well today."
"My __ has been hurting so much, I can't do anything today."
"I've got a doctor appointment that I need to go to."
"My medication makes me so dizzy, I can't focus today."
"Sorry, I am busy today. Lots of things to do to get ready for the move."
"Sorry, I'm gone."
See All Answers