By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
He had to be placed in a nursing home and one of the upsides is that he has some peace now. It is very hard for her to visit him a lot and when she does she has to maintain her social facade.
Yiu are entitled to your opinion on but snide remarks are not appreciated.
Keep it to yourself when it involves responding to my posts.
Ask someone who lost a loved one - what can I do for you? Their brain is so scattered they can't think of a thing or to avoid asking, they don't. Some folks show up with a simple meal. While this person would never have asked you to cook for them, the meal will be appreciated and eaten.
The same thing happens when you are tired or the situation is wearing you out. It becomes 'it's ok, i can do this' even when you really need some help.
You and brother can create a calendar between yourselves to just show up. Don't ask again. Just be there. When mom needs some help, be the first to jump up and tell dad "I'll get it".
One day he could cope no more.
Told all children he was done. The adult children quickly became a work team, spoke up to Mom's Doctor. Were pointed towards extra care, councelling & support for BOTH parents.
I believe an agency was found for home help (cleaning, personal care, sitting & some driving).
councelling was found for both.
This was crutial. The Father had described feeling a 'failure' for not being able to do everything - he then changed his perspective to see he needed 'a team'.
From solo hero to leader of the pack. Still a manll thing to do.
He also saw he HAD options (where he had seen none).
He was able to have the freedom to decide if he was indeed 'done' without judgement (leading to arranging alternative fulltime care or if he could go on with help. He decided he wanted to go on, & saw ACCEPTING HELP & swollowing his prode was his task to learn.
Men come in many shapes & sizes. Pamela, your Father may be nothing like that man... But I do hope he can somehow learn the task of accepting help is OK.
Using Professionals can often get this message through better than us 'children'.
Mom's Doctor, his own Doctor (if different), an Aging Care Needs Assessor, Lifeline or Men's Line Councelling. Often a regigious leader is very good of someone has a faith.
Also, soz for all the typos! :(
I need that edit button back!
If your dad has always been this way, it’s unrealistic to expect him to be any different now.
In fact, his behavior is probably worse than before since the additional pressure of caregiving for your mom. Please know that I am not condoning his behavior.
Have you considered suggesting that your father hire a caregiver for your mom?
Best wishes to you and your family.
What happens next is very much up to mom.
Does she want things to change? Is her depression being treated?
Has dad always been cruel to mom; is this a marriage -long dynamic?
Is he getting any help caring for her? Caring for someone elderly when you yourself are old is very hard.
Have you talked to their doctor about what you're observing,?
Your father is her caregiver. If no one is willing to take her in then her choices are pretty much limited to remaining in at home with her verbally abusive husband, or going into a nursing home.
No one ever chooses the nursing home.
So the best bet is to have a sit down with your father. Taking care of her is too much for him and he doesn't want to admit it.
Lay it out plainly that either they accept outside help willingly, or they wait for a tragedy to happen and the decision is no longer theirs to make.
Take your mother for a few days to give your father some respite time after you've had the talk with him. Let him think about it for a few days without your mother there.
Is there anyway you could take your Mom out? Is she able to leave the house? You could take her places to help her be less anxious and give him a break. I know in Sarasota FL they have dance classes for people with Parkinson's where they sit and do movements. Maybe New Hampshire has something like that your Mom might enjoy? You could bring your moms favorite foods over or activities your Mom is able to do and sit and eat with her, do activities with her and take up her time for an entire day a couple times a week. That would help give your Father a break. Hired help services are all also great options if you can talk your Father into that. Maybe if you start small and work your way up to more once your Father realizes how nice it is to take a break and how much he needs it. I hope this helps <3
Your mother may be so used to his bad temper that she doesn't realize how his behavior is wrong and damaging.
It’s sad when a person isn’t able to divorce an abusive partner.
They aren’t doing anyone a favor by staying with their spouse. Sadly, they feel stuck and aren’t comfortable with change in their lives.