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My own Mom was very stubborn, she still felt she could manage the house even though she and my Dad were in their late 90's. Their house had a lot of stairs, Mom refused to downsize. They both became major fall risks. My Mom refused caregivers. Dad on the other hand welcomed them, but Mom won the argument.
So I just had to wait for that medical emergency. It came with a major fall my Mom had. She spent her final days in a Nursing Home as it took a village to help her.
Dad hired caregiver to help him. Later he sold the house, and moved to senior living as it was less expensive then 3 shifts of caregivers, plus he was around people of his own generation, which he enjoyed. Oh how he missed the love of his life, but he knew my Mom would never live in senior living.
Perhaps meeting with a Geriatric Psychiatrist who can evaluate and medicate may help the transitions.
Speak frankly with the PCP attending his wife and him.
Safety is a number one issue in all care giving situations.
It sounds as if safety for both of them is a concern and, you are right to address their decline and changing needs. Enlist their physician help, referrals to case manager, your and/ or their clergy for support in all the areas of need for them and you/ the family .
Expect the present cg/ fil to be resistant, perhaps even angry; he is grieving the changes but most likely will not see it this way without some help; he like all seniors , some more than others, grieve deeply the loss of independence and, this often is expressed as anger or " non compliance".
If all else fails , you can always tell him ( if he can comprehend) that for both his and wife's safety you will have to call APS ( Adult Protective Services) and report the situation in the home, if he refuses to cooperate with you/ the family/ POA towards changes needed. He may not understand the ramifications of this; so do try the physician, case manager, family meeting, faith support route first.
Practice your self care....take care of yourself!
Best regards
Told me people can live anyway they choose, as long as they had food, water and electricity there was nothing they could do.
I encountered it often when an RN case mgr working in Home Care that distant family was unaware of how tenuous their parents' hold truly was on safety and we had to call family meetings to get things moving and get the elders placed.
Wishing you the best in all of this.
When we were in a somewhat similar situation I was blown away at how helpful the social workers were. They got guardianship of my stepFIL and into a facility so that we could then help my MIL. It may not happen overnight, and things work differently by state and county but I would start there.
If someone IS the PoA this person needs to step up and make decisions whether your FIL likes it or not. It make require a sneak maneuver to remove your MIL while he is out on an errand with a family member. Hopefully FIL is not her PoA.