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Set date for move in
Hired movers and informed them that moving into facility and take pictures of how to set up furniture to look like it does at home.
Inform facility when movers would be moving items in.
Take dementia patient on long ride, day trip including a meal out.
Upon return "home" arrive at the facility calling it "home".
Lead dementia patient to room and refer to it as "home".
Use sentences like:
Oh I'm so glad to be home.
Oh home is so nice and comfortable.
Oh look my comfy chair is in my home.
Etc.
My friends mom didn't know she had been moved.
This is exactly what I would do.
Gena
He suggested I do it his way. I had POA, I called 911, told the dispatcher I had POA, I was his wife, he had Alzheimer's, and he needed to go to the hospital for an evaluation. The medics came, wrapped him in a sheet (because he was fighting them) and took him to the hospital. The plan was to have the Memory Care pick him up from the hospital. The main thing was I had POA.
BUT.... we found out his kidneys had failed and he had only 10 days or so to live, so I brought him home. With my grandson and hospice to help me he lasted 5 days. A side note, his family called me all kinds of horrible names. I had to let it roll off my back.
Most folks that I have known that placed their spouse, made sure that their room in memory care was set up ahead of time with things their loved one liked, and then they told them that they were going to lunch, which just happened to be at the memory care facility.
And once lunch was over the aides came and said that they were going to show the spouse(being admitted)around the facility, while the other spouse snuck out of the facility.
And of course it's always recommended that any family members stay away for a week or two to allow their loved one time to adjust to their new surroundings and the folks now caring for them.
So long story short, your husband no longer has a say about what he does or doesn't want to do.
You now have to do what is best for the both of you.
I wish you the very best in getting him placed.
If u go this route, see an Elder Lawyer to have ur assets split.
I have M.S. and avoid the stairs. I go up on all fours and scoot down on my rear, for safety. His bedroom was beginning to look like a mini hoarding situation. I have been preparing a downstairs room for his eventual occupation. Last week, my favorite aid and I sorted through half of his horde in preparation for that transition. It told quite a story about the state of his mind. It also angered him. He was fuming the next day. I explained as best I could that I had to adapt this space in order to make it manageable for me to keep him home longer. That didn't sooth him much. When I told him that when it became unmanageable for me he would need to move to memory care because 24/7 care at home would wipe us out financially. He said, "I WILL NOT go." I said, you won't have a choice if you won't cooperate with me on making our home work for both of us.
Who knows if that will impact his cooperation down the line? He has calmed down about the current changes. I have mentally prepared myself for lots of resistance. I think Mary Kathleen's strategy was very resourceful. I'm tucking that one away for future reference. I personally don't want to do it in crisis, if possible.
Best wishes to you and your husband.
These questions needs answers to enable us to assist you and you to make a decision. Regardless of the degree of cognitive decline, suggesting a change often meets resistance. Elderly individuals are particularly averse to change, and when compounded with mental impairment, it can evoke even greater fear.
As 97yroldmom mentioned go visit a couple facilities, that will give you some additional information.
Please know that this might be a decision you will need to make without him.
best wishes.
ALF he would screamed and yelled “shut up” “shut up” !!!
Do I have to have official assessment from doctor to put him in memory care? I do have POA though. Thanks for any suggestions I can get.
But when he fell outside and laid on the ground for 30 minutes until his neighbor found him, the family decided then it was time for memory care at the nursing home. He first went to the hospital because of that fall where they said he either had a heart attack or small stroke. From the hospital he went right into the nursing home. We had the room set up like his living room with his recliner, tv, and his own bedding on his bed there. Later the family put in a small fridge for his pop and water, they put his hats on the closet door then put pictures on the walls. He had his home phone there but that was taken out because of financial reasons but he still had his cell phone.
He has been in the nursing home memory care now for a year going on two. He still asks when can he go home but he forgets it right after it is said. His short term memory is gone.
Yes it is expensive but he is on medicaid along with social security and his pension pays for his room there. And I signed over the responsibility of the financial to the nursing home because of his family turning me into DHS twice and once to social security. The turning into social security was my last straw with those family members because they said I went on a lavish vacation with his entire finances.
So when the time comes you are thinking of him and yourself because if you can't take care of him where would you be or him. Its better to be safe.
Prayers.