By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
it’s the beginning of the end.. you don’t want to prolong it..
that was tough for me to hear… but reality straight up..
maybe don’t fight her.. give her her favorite treats.. at this point.. let her tell you what she wants, if anything.. if not, that’s your other answer…
support her and remind her she is loved… and get the caregivers in who can help with this transition… its so sad… maybe, just maybe, she’ll pull out of this if everyone just stops fussing about feeding her…let her guide you… to a point.. hospice etc should come in to evaluate ..
its hard.. I’m sorry…
As difficult as it may be to witness it truly is best to allow them to make this their choice. I believe they know what they are capable of. I wish you peace during this period.
From time to time, I bring food from home or from a restaurant that she likes.
Best wishes
Once you are looking at the severity of an impaired swallow reflex you are looking at being close to the end.
If you were to bring in some of your cooking, will she eat it?
Smell and hunger are related. If the food doesn't smell acceptable, the tongue won't like it. Pureed foods have nearly no flavor, especially to someone who has their tastebuds.
My Mom wasn't super keen on the food at the MC. However, I used to augment her diet by the fruit/food that I brought in. She would chow down on my stuff and barely eat the food at MC. It could have been due to the fact that they gave her a "soft chopped" diet, which is a texture similar to oatmeal all the time. Not only that, in order to get the food that way, the food is overcooked, pulverized, and rendered nearly tasteless (my Mom didn't do gravy). Then you have the issue of low salt diet, etc. I used to take my Mom out and she could eat the large chunks easily. They just didn't want to have to cut up the pieces of meat for her or risk her choking.
We also gave her a daily vitamin to make up for the tasteless stuff that she didn't eat. I was perfectly fine if all she ate was the muffin or cookie at MC. At some stage of life, any food, good or bad, is better than no food at all.
That said, the other possibility is that the food and water really does not taste good to her. When you visit, does she eat and drink what you give her? I would talk to her doctor and allow him to do a complete analysis to make sure she isn't suffering from some infection/drug that is messing with her smell and taste.
...also, if she is losing weight, some of the drugs that she is taking, might be an overdose now, which also will cause loss of taste.
...and yes, it could be near the end of life for her. My Mom said that water tasted bad about 2 months before she passed. However, tea and juices (those few that she liked) were perfectly fine. Eventually though, she didn't like the tea or juice either and her tongue didn't know what to do with cookies.
This scenario is very painful to watch.
will try to work with her but doubtful.
will update as necessary.
Without a swallow issue at play, and being obese ( you don't say HOW obese?), your mother can live off of her own fat for quite some time as long as she drinks some fluids. She may be repulsed enough by the non-junk food she's being served in LTC that she's flat out refusing to eat. It happens with very heavy people who are used to eating pizza and chips and donuts etc. They are repulsed by regular foods they do not normally eat, especially veggies, and cannot bring themselves to eat it. Throw in dementia and there is no logic to help them understand the consequences of their own actions. The stubborn factor takes their behavior over the top.
If I were you, I'd bring in one of moms favorite foods like pizza and see what happens. If she wolfs it down, you have your answer.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Only the MD responsible for an individual can guide you now.
It is a merciful end to stop eating and drinking and in fact VSED (vountary stopping eating and drinking) is a choice for those who wish to do a final exit on their own terms; legal in almost all the states). She will be medicated with hospice so that those few days where organs shut-down caused restlessness and confusion, before coma, at medicated so that there is no discomfort.
I am sorry. I think this is end stage from all you say, but as I said, only the medical team can guide you now.
Is the staff aware she can no longer swallow? If so, has a swallow test been done? A person who can't swallow should not be forced to eat or drink, it could be aspirated and cause pneumonia.
If a test has not been done, it should be. But usually when a person can't swallow it means end of life. First thing is the ability to swallow is gone, then the body shuts down. At this point a feeding tube maybe recommended but I personally would not have it inserted. Not on a person who has Dementia and 84 yrs old. I found the Nurses can't suggest Hospice, the doctor does. Butu can request it.
My Mom shut her eyes and would not get out of bed 2 weeks before she passed. I was called and told she could no longer swallow. They were willing to give her the test, I said no call in Hospice. No more poking and prodding. Mom passed a week later.
My aunt is a picky eater. She has dementia. She will not eat anything but oatmeal. However, if you make fish and vegetables for her, she will eat that, and only the expensive type fish like shrimp or salmon every day.
She got sick about a year ago and was really losing fast. She had a speech study to make sure she was okay for swallowing. Had speech therapy. Is on an appetite stimulate, actually on her second one as the first one didn’t seem to be working. She needed to be hand fed for a few months and still requires a good deal of extra attention with her meals. She is on a protein drink along with her three meals. She is weighed weekly.
When I visited her this week she was eating chocolate pudding with her mashed potato’s and enjoying it.
She also does better on an antidepressant.
It is hard to know if you are doing anyone a favor to encourage them to eat if they are near the end of life and have no quality of life.
My goal is to make sure aunt is not neglected in any way that I can help. She clearly enjoys her food now so I’m glad we made the effort to get her back on track though it takes a good deal of effort to keep her at the 110.
She is certainly not worried about it. Once, when told she lost 10 lbs she said “good”.
Her husband said about a week before she passed that the hospice people noted she wasn't eating enough to sustain life and he told my mom milk and milkshakes were all she was consuming. She wouldn't eat really much of anything.
My mom gave me that update and told me "you can't make someone eat."
Source: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325174#:~:text=The%20body%20needs%20lots%20of,water%20for%20about%203%20days.
"Total starvation is normally fatal in eight to 12 weeks. In less extreme cases, however, where you are still receiving some calories - particularly if these calories include a high proportion of protein - being fat will help you survive much longer, because your body will be able to meet the majority of your calorie requirements from stored fat."
Source: https://www.sciencefocus.com/the-human-body/who-would-die-first-of-starvation-a-fat-or-a-thin-person
She is obviously taking in fluids.
I'm sorry for the distress this is causing for you.