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But home-care also has some drawbacks. When she went into the NH she was delighted that she could get her hair done without leaving the premises. She enjoyed all of the live entertainment and the bingo, and to our GREAT surprise, she did all the crafts! She didn't have to get out of her wheelchair when she went on the medi-van to Walmart once a month. She liked having men around. She became friendly with the ladies she ate lunch with. She blossomed! After a difficult adjustment period of a couple of months, she was content there for 2.5 years.
Assisted living -- either in a family home, or in a facility.
Skilled nursing -- in a facility,
For a loved one who really needs nursing home care, I do not feel that at-home care is usually the best choice. Until then, lots of other factors can go into the decision.
I mean my answer to apply to families that are not dysfunctional, where there has been no abuse, and where there is true affection.
The reality is, in home caregiving is really, really, really hard. What may start out as a great way to care for our LO's will often deteriorate as they age and require more and more care. It's stressful in the best situation---and impossible in some.
So much depends on your relationship NOW, the whole family dynamic, how much care is required for the LO--so many factors. Also consider whether you still have children living at home--bringing an elderly parent into the mix at a teenager's crucial angsty moments in life is a recipe for disaster.
Make a list of pros and cons. Remembering that your LO is going to get older and less capable---if the thought if having them with you now is daunting--it won't get easier.
Only you can decide what is best. Your LO may not WANT to live with you--bear in mind what they want, of course. If they aren't competent to make this decision--well, that's one of the factors you'll run up against.
If you decide to go the SNF route, be a presence there, so the staff get to know you and know you're keeping an eye out. Never hurts. Many older folks love living in Independent Living situations. Lots of things to do, people to meet and Bingo to play.
Difficult situation and not a one-size-fits all.
Good Luck!
The situation was exacerbated because of a dysphagia diagnosis when I had to puree all his food, either at my house and transported to his, or at his, which was too warm for me to be comfortable.
When he was admitted for rehab for the first time this year, it was actually a relief for me. I could visit, spend more time, but less work. And our time together was more quality time and less work time.
These are major issues to consider and evaluate if you plan to provide care for him at home.
Then there are the financial considerations; while it may seem cheaper to care for someone in the home caregivers often fail to take into account the full impact of the loss of wages, health benefits and reduced pension payments, not to mention the difficulty of reentering the job market after a prolonged absence.
And most importantly, no one should try to do this without fully understanding the need for support from family, friends and social service agencies. Vague reassurances aren't good enough, you need a firm commitment that your support system is really helpful and more than hollow promises.
I would start with a needs assessment, is NH the right level of care required?
Do financial research on if they can self pay or do you need to file for medicaid, if Medicaid, get started, it takes months.
Try to find Medicaid pending facilities.
I personally prefer the facilities that have age in place care. Change is hard.
Take a week or month off for you, maybe this should be 1st, caregiver burnout clouds our brains and makes everything seem overwhelming. So, yea, do this 1st. Lots of AL, NH have respite care, take LO in to have their own vacation. This will also help to established needs from a different day to day caregiver and you will see how they handle change.
Flush any guilt down the garbage disposal, full grind. Caring for your parents doesn't require you to give up your entire life, advocating, handling paperwork, visiting as often as possible, making sure they are safe, warm, fed, cared for, etc. is still taking care of them, someone else does the day to day grind, which means you will have time to be a loving daughter as well. Special treats, meals, outings, whatever, as we all know that a 24/7 caregiver has no time, energy or ability to just be a daughter/son and do these things. To overwhelmed by the day to day.
May God guide you to the right place and give you strength to do what needs to be done. HUGS in this hard trial.
These are questions only you can answer and they depend upon on so many factors.
That you feel obligated to care for your parents is a personal choice. And no, it's not wrong to want the help of a nursing home but the only help a nursing home offers is residency for people who can no longer live on their own.
There is no one situation in which looking for a nursing home becomes acceptable. It may depend upon how difficult it has become to care for a parent at home. Or it could be based upon how burned out the caregiver is. Is the elderly parent's medical issues too comprehensive to manage at home (dialysis, bed sores, refusing to eat, etc.).
I don't know how long you should care for your parents. No one can answer that but you.