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The therapeutic fib could look like this:
You can go so far as to bring her small storage boxes (fake, you prepare them) from "storage".
These made up boxes can include:
A mix of family items and saved pictures that you did keep.
Clean laundry that you have taken home to wash.
Anything "new" that you have purchased for her needs.
Snacks and cookies to distract her.
A new toothbrush, hairbrush.
Get creative.
If she says "I don't remember this", just say you added that to the box because you thought she would like it.
Leave the box for her to go through. Then take the box home, refill it
for next time she asks. When you take the box home, be sure it has some things she won't miss so you can recycle it back to her in the next box you bring from "storage". Think of it as a CARE PACKAGE.
Next time say that a lot of stolen jewelry was found in some of the storage unit and the police won't let anyone take anything out until the detectives search all of the units for additional stolen goods. Next time after that say ok, I will get it for you...Then go buy some inexpensive item that might be similar to what she wants and say that somehow the item got misplaced and you cannot find it so you bought a similar item...Next time say her son is coming back in the fairly near future and he will take a look. You may want to frequently start bringing items from the dollar store that might occupy her mind. You could bring it to a halt down the road by telling her there was a big fire and the contents were all burned up.
Grace + Peace,
Bob
”If and when” she finds out, she will be processing THAT information in a damaged and distorted way, and if she yells, (pouts, cries, threatens, etc.) you will respond blandly and noncommittally, as you will from now on moving forward.
She is who she is, and you took on the overwhelming task of fixing her circumstances to be clean and safe. She did not, and WILL NOT, want “clean and safe”, she will want whatever her damaged brain tells her she wants, as you know she will.
You will both have a new “right” and a new “truth” and yours will be based on reality and compassion and healthy restorative distance for yourself, whenever possible. Hers will not.
Remember- “Safe and clean” and as peaceful as you can manage.
You’re doing the right thing.
With luck you can break a simple question about wanting her ‘stuff’ into very detailed, complex and forgettable discussions that side track the big question.
Is it always the same thing she is looking for? Does she forget and then ask for something else another time? Maybe hold her off with "I cant get there this week" or "I tried to find it the other day but must have looked in the wrong box, I'll look again when I have more time" or "Oh brother borrowed that, I'll ask him to bring it back the next time he visits"
Is it something small you can find a replacement for and bring her? Even if its not an exact match she may just think she forgot the details.
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