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I had a doctor and NP at the SNF tell me how they see it daily - family members who never visit their loved one, but absolutely FREAK OUT when Grandma takes a turn for the worse after having been there for months or years. Then the family wants the doctor to "Do everything possible! Feeding tubes, dialysis, etc. so that Grandma won't die before Johnny can get here in a few weeks to say goodbye."
How many times have I seen posts here about family members who are in denial and in reality, THEY just are not ready to be sad, therefore the elderly loved one has to suffer longer! I've seen people demand their elderly loved one take chemo! Good grief. Chemo is horrible for someone young and healthy.
It is often HARD on the patient and family members to get an elderly person to their doctor appointments and so many times they have to go every single day! I was shuttling a relative to so many appointments that I deemed unnecessary - they would just take her vitals and ask how she was feeling and tell her to come back in a few weeks. She was in a wheelchair with oxygen. There was a giant tank and long hose. She was also wearing depends and was horrified that she would leak or smell while she was out and about.
Palliative care needs to be promoted more and needs to be made into a wonderful alternative.
I'm in my 50's. I'm having more and more conversations with people my age and younger who feel like I do. Our generation does NOT WANT to end up in a SNF just waiting to die and I totally get the euthanasia thing. While I would never want to take my life, I think just letting nature take course at a certain point in old age is a good thing.
Secondly, yeah it's sad to watch people suffer and lay in their own feces etc. but assisted suicide is not legal in most places and even if it were I believe a person has to be of sound mind before they could make that decision. Most people who are still of sound mind probably don't feel they need to make that decision and by the time they aren't of sound mind it's too late. So that blows that theory.
Thirdly, even if I could have ended my mom's pain it's not legal to do so.
So, good for you for spewing out your negativity but nothing you said really makes any difference in the bigger scheme so good luck to you!
On the opposite side of the coin are family members keeping elders in squalor and baremy alive so they can collect their social security or other money.
Nothing is ever one size fits all when it comes to people. There are bad outcomes on both sides of this issue and other issues.
I have had to euthanize pets. It is a horrific decision to have to make, and while I know it was the right one, I still suffer from guilt. I can't imagine making that decision for one of my parents, or in-laws, or spouse.
OP, if you are to the point where you are fantasizing about euthanasia for your grandfather, then, for his sake and yours, end your caregiving forthwith! You are no good to anyone, least of all him, while this rage burns in your gut!
1. Op clearly has been doing this as she feels there’s no choice and little reward. I bet her attitude is endemic among some caregivers including those paid to take care of strangers. We need to hear that perspective to respond to it.
2. A discussion is to be had about when and how a patient can exercise their agency in a way least traumatic to them, their caregivers, and society at large, even if their choice is to end it.