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If she uses verbally hostile language, threatens you, throws objects, spits at you, attempts to strike you with her hands or cane, you need to be aware that these antisocial reactions may be beyond her control, IF she has been DIAGNOSED BY A PROFESSIONAL as having Alzheimer’s.
Being “terrified” of the symptoms of someone in your care is never a healthy situation for you OR for your parent.
Try a contact to your local Office of The Aging, and ask if you can speak to a social worker. Be TOTALLY HONEST when describing EXACTLY WHAT SHE DOES.
Don’t talk about how horrible she is, whether you feel that way or not. You will have the chance to voice those feelings as you continue caring for her. JUST THE FACTS are the important thing for now.
GOOD LUCK. Many of us have been where you are now. You CAN get help.
Why would an adult allow their parent to rule the roost and control their behavior by throwing tantrums?
Maybe it's time for some change, aside from paint and carpets,
If you want advice about how to effect change in this situation, we are ready to tell you how.
At this point, there is no “reasoning” with her. She can’t evaluate the pros and cons of a situation, like a person without a dementia. You can’t “convince” her of anything.
This week, my mother is convinced that all she is given to eat is apples. NOTHING I say can get her to see that that is not the case.
Who is "we"? Do you live with your mother and siblings? If so, how is that working out? Does she need 24/7 care?
I'm asking these questions because I think you have a lot more going on than just how to break the news to her of the house remodel.