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Maybe late, but be honest. You and husband have made plans this Christmas. Sorry, but you can't include her. When she rants, be honest that you want to enjoy the holiday and you can't if she is included since previous Xmases have not gone well.
My Dad aged gracefully and was happy with whatever was going on around him, he kept his sense of humor, his caregivers loved him :)
My Mom was the total opposite, didn't like any caregivers, refused to move from a house with a lot of stairs [she was in her late 90's], and wanted everything her way. I believe the physical issues made her resent aging, she had lost most of her hearing and much of her eyesight. I don't think I would be a happy camper, either, if that was me. I had to remind myself to step into her shoes to understand what she was going through.
As for the short hair cut.... how many of us here ever had that situation happen to us? I did back when I was in my 30's, had my long hair cut into a Dorothy Hamill haircut and was shocked afterwards, I was afraid to go to work the next day :P
What you are going through is not easy. I found the best advice I got from caregivers was to have a sense of humor as that is how professional caregivers handle a person such as your Mom.
This is why I will NEVER judge someone who is caring for another-ever. If you're not in it, you have no idea what's happening or going on.
You can’t change her. You need to change yourself. If you stand directly in front of someone who’s swinging a baseball bat around, chances are you’re going to get hit. So stand aside. If she’s an addict, speak with her doctor. My mother was on an anti-diarrheal medication that was an opiate. She was hooked on that to the point it affected her entire gastric system. Stand back. Enjoy your family and celebrations without her.