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This apparently was NOT a loan since you did not have a loan agreement with anyone to repay you.
Never give money that you can't afford to not be repaid to you.
"loaning" money, "giving" money will ruin families, relationships.
You "give" money with no expectation that you will get repaid, if you do then that is a windfall for you.
Cut your losses.
Forgive the money owed.
Talk to the person that does your taxes to determine if this can be considered a "gift" and see what tax implications there may be.
But I am afraid that the money that you gave is gone.
**If the amount is substantial you could consider suing but that costs money and if they do not have the money to pay you back you probably will still not get repaid.
I have long told people that, even WITH a good contract, when you loan money to your children you have essentially "gifted it" to them, whether you realize that or not.
You have given us very little information on how all this occurred, when, and about your son's willingness/ability etc to repay you. So this is about the best I can do other than to wish you the very best of luck and hope that things will get better for all involved.
Wishing you good luck and Godspeed.
Every once in a while BIL would get a "windfall" and throw some small amount of money at FIL and say he was "paying it back". But it never made a dent in what he (and MIL) had been giving them for nearly 15 years.
It was enough that FIL told DH that he should take 75+% of his the estate when he died. But never did anything to update his will to make it legal.
And there in lies the rub. No documentation, no dice.
Expectations are one thing. Legally documented requirements are another entirely.
Sadly, you aren't likely going to ever see that money paid back.
"We GAVE a lot of money to son's family..............."
Yes, that's exactly what you did.
When we "make loans" to family it is best to know going in that likely the money was gifted; it saves time in being disappointed.
The important thing is to try to get this validated as a loan that isn't repaid. There is a place on IRS forms to report "unpaid loans".
This is important in regards to receiving within the next five years any sort of governmental support in terms of programs requiring five-year-lookbacks (such as Medicaid). You will need to show you did not intend to gift any of this money, or they will say you gifted and now want government support, and you may not qualify.
I am really sorry but you may now be looking at a way to prove this, and that means now "gifting" an attorney yet more money. It was poor decision making to give money to a family you should have pointed toward governmental help for their survival. I am so sorry; there are always consequences to be paid in these matter. I wish you the best.
Two sisters, both single Moms - Older has 4 kids, younger has 2 kids. Both working.
Y.Sis crashed her car, needed help paying for it plus her other bills to get out of a tight spot. Asked O.Sis for money & was given $4K or so.
They front up to Judy's courtroom..
O.Sis says it was a LOAN.
Y.Sis says it was GIFT.
Said "no-one ever said she had to pay it back". Yet when asked by her sister to start paying it back in small amounts, kept dodging & refusing to pay without explaining her assumption about the *gift status*.
Judy lays down her opinion: That no single Mom with 4 kids is ever going to GIFT $4K to anyone, not even her sister. So Judy declares it a LOAN & therefore needs to be repayed.
I didn't hear any legal proof.. but hey that's TV.. it's more about Judy's common sense.
Judy's final words, to the older:
"Be very careful who you lend money to."
To the younger: "Pay your own bills".
I thought. Yep, that's good advice.
Hard lesson learned. Sorry about this.
Hubby learned the hard way also , to never co sign on any loan either.
I'm so sorry about this. 😕
"We gave a lot of money to son's family while he was incarcerared".
No where do you say you 'lent' your son's family (who by the way is also YOUR family) a lot of money. Or you temporarily helped your son's family out financially with an agreement that they would be payng you back by a certain date.
You're not getting the money back and there's no elder abuse either.
You made a choice to start handing out money that you couldn't afford and now you don't have enough to get by on for yourselves. Why come here and tell us? Do you now expect the government (aka the taxpayers) to bail you out?
The taxpayers already paid a fortune to keep your son incarcerated and I'd bet my last dollar that his "family" was probably collecting on every government social program these United States has to offer. It's certainly okay if they were because kids have to be provided for and it's not their fault if their parents are deadbeats or in jail. It's not your fault either.
You're getting that money back so you're going to have to learn to live with less and on less.
If you own a house, sell it and downsize. Move somewhere smaller and cheaper to save money. Or keep your house and take in paying guests (boarders) to help with household expenses. My grandmother did this for years because she had pride refused to take money from her kids.
Depdending on your ages and health conditions, go back to work part-time for more income. Let me tell you, homecare agencies everywhere are looking for seniors who are still active and don't have dementia to become companions to seniors with dementia. All you'd be doing is keeping them company and maybe a little light housekeeping. We just hired two ladies ages 71 and 73 for homemaker/companion work a few hours a week and they're doing great.
You have options and it would be a good time to start exploring some.
If you didn't have him sign a loan document or there's no emails or texts saying it was a loan then there is no legal way to recoup the money from him.
If you own your home you could sell it and downsize .
If not , call your county to speak to a social worker about section 8 housing ,
or HUD senior apts where the rent is 30% of your income . Although there may be a waiting list.