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Finally put her in a boad & care 6 people, 2 caretakers...She said go home go home, the geriatric mantra... Appreciate the time with you mom and the never ending quest to go home. My mom stopped talking.........It is tough, but I'm the only one who visits....So visit often, bring goodies to her and the people who take care of her.... Take her to get her nails done or something fun....fun times
I have not been in your situation, so I will not offer advice. I did want to say that you obviously had one of those unique successful relationships. You love your wife, you have both worked at your relationship through the hard times. I believe that regardless of how secluded or disconnected from reality the mind gets the heart is still capable of experiencing love. I believe she knows you love her and that may be all you can do for her at this time.
You have made tough choices, but you have made them with the best of intentions, keeping her safety in mind.
God bless you both,
L
Now Iwill forget reason and tell you that I Love Her, remember, Helen of Troy. Love makes the world go round and it's not, for the most part,"reasonable"
I haven't had a chance to read all your previous messages so the gist of her situation is what I'm getting just from your posts in this thread.
So I would ask you:
What were the reasons you chose an AL placement rather than have her remain at home with you? Do those reasons still exist? Assuming they do, have you thought of ways to cope or deal with them for both you and your wife? And assuming again that they still exist, how will you cope with them now that you've seen an alternative? What if any changes can be made, and/or what if any attitude re-examinations can be made to accept the situations?
On other issues, was the decision made because it would be better for her or you (and I'm not trying to place you in an awkward position, but rather to help assess the rationale, whether it still exists, whether it's a copeable (is there such a word?) situation, or whether the issues could/would reassert themselves if she came home.
If the at-home issues are insurmountable or intolerable and you feel she's better in an AL facility, what changes can you make to spend more time with her, ease the transition, and still remain emotionally close? In other words, if the given is that it's best for her and for you as well to continue in AL, how can you adapt your own positions and feelings to address each of your own independent qualms?
Not that it's any consolation, but I think the "is it better" issues are inherent in probably every caregiving situation at one level or another.
They are safe. They are clean they are fed.
I do have to stay away or Mother starts to rely on me and asks to go by the house. She cannot walk. So, she can't do that.
Just yesterday an elderly woman walked away from a hotel here, in Tucson. Her husband did not know that she left the room. He was asleep. She gave the car keys to 2 men and they took her AND the car. She was found alive, in Phoenix.
But, think what could have happened. Good luck to you.
You have a difficult decision to make. You could always bring her back home for one more try otherwise you would be always wondering "what if" if you didn't. Is there any type of counseling where you could learn new ideas on how to manage or re-director your wife's combativeness? Could he hire a Caregiver who is familiar with this type of illness or would your wife not accept outside help?
Please DO NOT take this seriously, I can understand why there are, "murder-suicides".