By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Your MIL is obviously suffering from some type of dementia which is not 'normal aging' at all, but something entirely different. DH should not be 'heartbroken' by her behavior; he needs to understand that her brain is broken and she's not trying to hurt him on purpose or out of spite. Once she gets properly diagnosed, then he will likely see the light and understand what's happening. Not that any of us 'like' what our demented elders have turned into, but at least we can logically understand WHY it's happening, you know?
Your MIL can be given a simple MoCa assessment exam in the doctor's office which will test her cognition skills on the spot. You'll get a baseline score to see where she's at right now, and you can go from there. She'll be asked to draw a clock showing 3 pm (for instance) on a blank sheet of paper, and this is to test her executive brain function. The EB function is like the conductor of the orchestra; if the conductor is impaired, the rest of the band hasn't a clue what to do. That's how it was explained to me, and it makes perfect sense. When my mother was asked to draw a clock back in 2016, she drew some sort of blob-like thing which didn't even come close to looking like a clock. Right then & there I knew she was cognitively impaired and my suspicions were right. Along with dementia comes some pretty drastic behavioral changes which aren't easy to deal with.......and that's putting it mildly. But my mom lives in a Memory Care Assisted Living place where she's well cared for and I don't have to deal with her histrionics 24/7. Thank God.
Wishing you the best of luck getting a REAL diagnosis for your MIL asap!
I also will say, your MIL was probably showing signs before FILs death, he was just covering for her. Dementia does not come on immediately, its a gradual thing. His death may have accelerated her symptoms. My Mom became hard to reason with in the early stage. (She would believe a neurologically challenged 18 yr old (mentally younger) over me) She forgot how to take care of her check book. Overwhelmed easily. I had a very simple cell. Worked like her cordless. When it rang u pushed the button. When done the call you pushed the button. She never mastered it, Eventually she couldn't use the phone or a remote.
Next, has she ever had a cognitive assessment to rule out dementia?
Whether she has dementia or not, the best way to respond to inappropriate comments is to say something calm like “I’m sorry you feel that way” then quickly change the subject to something she likes to talk about.
You will need to gently explain to her that you will speak to her twice a day, morning and evening. Do not answer other calls; be certain she understands how to use 911 for emergency. A daily visit may not always be a good thing, as well. If she requires daily care then it is likely that she is now requiring 24/7 care and time to consider ALF for her. She may actually be better with more people around, and with her son handling finances. It was the case for my brother that removal of the burdens of daily living and finances allowed him to actually IMPROVE mentally, due to just the lifting of a lot of anxiety. And anxiety, coupled with the failure in mentation, may be playing together in you MIL case with the loss of her husband.
Educating yourselves on dementia will help her son know that this is not his mom speaking; the sad thing here is that we lose those we love while they remain right there with us.