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What many here are trying to get you to understand, I believe, is that you have your own life to live just as your mother did and rightfully deserves to continue to do so. You can only do so much after all.
Good luck finding your own personal balance! (absolute hardest part)
Let go and Let God...............mom is the captain of her own ship.
I have also noticed that Mom seems to be able to tolerate higher BS than she used to be able too, a number that landed her in the hospital 10 years ago comes and drops without us panicking as much these days or did before the pod anyway. Still we know when she goes over that ledge somewhere around 200-225 because she becomes uncooperative, down right mean and can’t process why. With the Dexicon we have solidified what we always knew but she didn’t believe which is enough water and even a little bit of exercise, just moving around has a dramatic effect on lowering her blood sugar, we just need to get to it before she hits 200!
Mom is 81 with some dementia as well as aphasia so we want her to be able to eat what she wants just like you do with your mom but we also have to be able to live with and care for her so keeping her BS in line is important for our sanity not just her health and happiness. Happiness because she enjoys life more and health because she’s going to lose her eyesight if we can’t keep the swings at bay and I can’t imagine how we could manage dialysis should that come to pass.
Oh and the constipation, not sure what meds are causing that but Mom had that issue as well at one time and taking daily fiber as well as making sure she is getting the minimum amount of water she should, not an easy task, has made a huge difference in that department.
Hang in there your doing great!
Your mom is 91 and is not going to live forever no matter how much you police her food. Let her have some freedom with her diet. I think at a certain age it's time to be free and throw caution to the wind.
There’s also the option of palliative care if your mom isn’t eligible for hospice yet.
A good friend of mine works as a Palliative PA and her advice is to explain to your loved ones that various decisions are “doctor’s orders” so the doctor takes the “blame” and not you.
I suggest telling your mom that a diabetic diet is doctor’s orders and then you don’t keep high carb options in the house. My dad has been a type 1 diabetic my entire life and the whole family ate in line with his diet. If I wanted a “treat” then it would be out somewhere or my mom would bake diabetic friendly alternatives. Just don’t bring the high carb food into the home is the easiest solution.
You need to weigh the pleasure of food against the suffering of poor wound healing and worsening cognitive decline with sugars in the 300s. My dad’s judgement is very off and he is “foggy” when his sugars are uncontrolled which makes life more difficult for everyone.
For example, I'm getting a repeat A1c lab test done today to see what my blood glucose level is for my prediabetes condition. Hopefully I will not require medication besides diet and exercise to prevent diabetes II like my mother's side had.
Your mother requires managaged blood glucose goals. Tell her doctor about the constipation to see if a referred laxative, such as Lactoluse, can be prescribed. If insulin and other meds can be restarted, please do so. What about getting professional help to cope with her fears? They are life savers but hopefully not too late.
Sounds like your mom is coming closer to death and I'm sorry to hear that.
Patathome01
…she isn’t dying but declining …she eats 3 meals per day but sleeps a lot..watches tv w me in late afternoon till 9…today we met with palliative care to include them on her care team when and if she declines further …I can’t force her to try insulin but I will continue stressing it’s importance …sge doesn’t tell me why she is so afraid of it but she has shuddered for yesrs when she heard others do insulin shots…
Have you spoken to her doctors to see if some of her meds can be stopped. One I would suggest is if she is on a blood thinner. They cause internal bleeding. Another is Cholesterol, they effect her liver enzymes and cause cognitive decline.
IMO Mom not realizing the sores are caused by not taking her insulin, she is in some sort of cognitive decline. These sores need a Wound care Nurse taking care of them. Her sugar levels being high could cause confusion. Heart failure, not enough oxygen getting into her system and up to the brain. Kidney failure, toxins getting into her blood stream and up to the brain causing her to be "out there". She is not competent to make decisions concerning her health. She doesn't want to go to the hospital, then she needs to take her insulin.
I would get her to her doctor and get Labs done. Tell him what is going on and have him document it. Follow up with an email confirming your conversation and his recommendations.
Mhill, does mom live with you and are you considered her primary caregiver? What brought me into this forum was when my mom ended up with a viral infection and wasn't up to eating for a few days. She just wanted to sleep and get better; but when it became clear that she needed emergency care, and I brought her to the ER, I was questioned, lectured and scolded by the internist who saw her in the ER - basically accusing me of withholding food from her. Even though SHE had told him she didn't eat by HER choice, I was still in the hot seat, so to speak - because the assumption by this doctor was that if my mom was choosing not to eat, that meant she clearly wasn't in her "right" mind frame, and somehow or another *I* - as the person with whom she lived and therefore her primary caregiver - was supposed to, somehow, FORCE her to eat something. I even asked this idiot doctor "what am I supposed to do here, doc - sit on her chest and force the food down her throat?".
If your mom is going to refuse to maintain a diabetic diet to the point of her own detriment, then you should make sure she tells as much to her PCP...that this is HER doing, that you have been "encouraging" her to maintain the proper diet, you have been and are willing to continue to provide the foods that she should be eating to maintain that diet.
And definitely ask for a hospice consult. Once medical people find out that a patient is under hospice care, all of a sudden things like diet seem to not matter as much to them. My mom went into hospice, and for the first 6 weeks she actually got better, once the thought of the constant revolving door of doctor/hospital/rehab from removed from the equation. Hospice took care of her, provided the meds she needed, removed the ones that were no longer doing anything for her, and encouraged her to enjoy the time she had left. You want to have a glass of wine? Why not? A salty snack? Why not? She was happy, she was enjoying the little things that were left to her, and she passed away peacefully in no pain.
Good luck!
Ie just wants to die wo suffering in her sleep…hospice is est life less than 6 months ..she doesn’t qualify yet..I would love to have here at all sge wants at her age but sadly it will cause more suffering and sge doesn’t reakuze that part ie moderate dementia
Let her make her own decision!