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#1 When you contact APS, make it clear that this is a concern about the vulnerable elder's living situation and not a report or allegation of abuse. What your father needs is an assessment with some ongoing monitoring of his situation. If your SIL *does* get her act together (and for a start she wants to rethink her attitude to professional support, but don't you fight that battle with her, let the qualified social workers do it) then he gets to stay home and she will have fewer regrets about his latter years. This could be a breakthrough.
#2 You'll have to see how you feel about this, but as far as possible be open with her. Have you ever got on with her all right, or has it always been a ticklish relationship between you?
We get on OK. I can see through her BS though. She is cluless and I have tried to suggest things but she is always resistant.
I'm giving her about a month to see if things change. If they don't, I will notify APS.
If someone else is POA, especially whomever is the medical POA, that person needs to step up as the live-in daughter is not doing what is in her Dad's best interest. The Dad sounds like he has lot of common sense and realizes that he needs a professional caregiver with him during the day. My Dad was the same way, and that made life so much easier.
I agree with you, I bet sister-in-law is just talking up a good story. People usually don't change their ways. Is she planning on quitting her job to take care of Dad during the day? If no, then she is forgetting the main issue here that he needs someone with him during that time frame.
I would keep the appointments and let her prove she has mended her wicked ways.