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I think it is more common in some forms of dementia and not in others I think it is Frontotemporal Dementia that this is more common.
You can talk to his doctor next time you are there.
You can also "make time" and schedule a cuddle session that will work for you.
I know this can be a challenge with all that has to be done.
Not to mention the fact that once you become a caregiver for your spouse it changes the dynamics of the relationship. (It is difficult to get lovey dovey after you have changed his briefs)
But you both need this time and take it from me..you will miss the kisses, the hugs and the hand holding once it all stops.
See if a scheduled snuggle time will help him. It could be after lunch, once you get him into bed at night, anything that works into your schedule. You could even write the schedule on a dry erase board if that will help him focus.
My DH was "sexually active" until his cancer at age 80 - the chemo killed the ability but he still had the wanting. I explained to him that we were still intimate, even when the act was not completed.
Today, at 96, he has reached the stage of sleeping 16-20 hours daily. I would love for him to follow me around the house and go on errands with me, even just to wait in the car - but sadly, those days are gone.
I understand the feeling of 'smothering' but would you really prefer it if he did nothing but sleep on the couch 16-20 hours daily?
Be careful what you wish for.
@Gershun - I would give anything if DH could remember how to use the phone - I'd be glad to call him to check on him when I have to do some shopping. But alas, that too is gone.
www.agingcare.com/articles/an-inside-take-on-dementia-behaviors-197990.htm
www.agingcare.com/articles/elderly-parent-follows-around-the-house-141132.htm
I feel your pain!! We are in the same situation. We shower together. He hoovers while I cook. He wants to help. I give him a pile of kitchen towels to fold. The next time, I mess up the same towels so that he can be occupied. A feather duster keeps him occupied for a few minutes.
You are right, you need to just live with it. Once I accepted that his actions come from fear of abandonment, it became easier to accept. He was a wonderful husband. I decided that my job is to make him comfortable for his final illness. It sucks, but when I can get my brain into the right place, it's all good. I hope you can too.
Blessings,
Jamie