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Before giving advice about dementia, everyone should learn all they can about it and THEN offer advice.
Melissa, the rule of thumb is this: do whatever it takes NOT to upset your mom and to keep her happy, THAT is the only goal here.
As a worker who would happily spend a full hour supporting a phone call if it would make my client's day better, I will say that solely for the reason it is distressing for your mother and for no other reason, I would discontinue the calls.
By keeping in touch with the staff, if your mother should have a better day or a brighter spell you'll hear about it and can always change your mind; I would also ask the staff to ask *her* if she would like to call you (just possible it might be easier for her if she initiates it); and do start or continue to send her cheerful, easy to read written messages and pictures.
God bless all of you.
Shirley
My mother lives in Memory Care too, and we have a standing appointment for a window visit every Sunday at 1:15 pm. Maybe you could arrange a 'standing visit' with your mom's MC too.........whereby they go into your mom's room and film her via Facetime (or whatever) for a few minutes while you watch on your end of the phone. They may be very willing to do that for you, just ask.
I know how dreadful this whole scenario is, I deal with it daily myself. Every day is a new issue where my mother is upset about something and lately it's that she really lives 'elsewhere' and feels 'out of place' in her own apartment where she's lived the past 2 years. Sigh. I hate ALZ/dementia with every ounce of my being and pray for God to come take my 94 y/o mother home daily. It's too much for her and there's no quality of life left now.
Wishing you peace as you try to navigate a difficult path.