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I go to my father's assisted living place and as I get to his apartment an aide passed by who I only have seen occasionally in the last several months. I say hello and they say hello. I go into my father's apartment My father looks good, much better than last week. On his dresser is a magnificent bouquet of flowers that my brother and sister-in-law brought over earlier. I marvel at that and sit down and we start talking, like usual



About 5 minutes later there is a knock on the door. It's the same aide I said hello to. They come in and say "I want to see the flowers!". And so they marvel at them, just like most people would and then we engage in pleasant small talk. This goes on for a few minutes then they leave.



I didn't think anything about this incident until I left when it crossed my mind that the aide knew I had just got there. Why did they interrupt minutes later with something that wasn't at all health related? Typically they only come in to dispense medication, do a treatment or to clean the room. They also do engage in conversation when they do those things.



Could this have been a pretext to see how I was interacting with my father? Do aides watch for this kind of thing?

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When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem is a nail.

Lisa, you really should see a professional about your autistic ruminations. They could help provide more tools.
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lealonnie1 Nov 2023
I love that!

"When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem is a nail."

Brilliant!
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Good graciousness. There are a myriad of reasons why the aide knocked at the door. The most compelling of these reasons is: She had heard there were lovely flowers and wanted to see them and thought it might be nice to see them when someone she had just greeted in the hall were there to open the door. If it were a pretext to check on your interaction with there dad, BFD. You were getting on well. End of story.
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When my mom was in nursing care aides came and went all the time when I was visiting. I thought it was the norm. Maybe I'm wrong? But I didn't see anything wrong with it. It did cross my mind that maybe they were pouring it on a bit so that I'd see they were doing their job. But I didn't let it worry me.
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Lisa, you promised that you would stop with all these nonsensical posts but you do not.

Unfortunately, this is a forum with people who always wants to help and you have figured that out, why not give us a break?

Get the mental help that you need, for you, so that you can begin living a life with a normal mindset, you will find that to be a blessing.

We cannot help you, we've tried, however, your issues are way beyond our set skills.

Believe me, we all want you to get better, however, you are the only person who can do this.
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@lisa

Do you ever give the knit-picking and nonsense a rest? Try to find something worthwhile to do with your time because clearly you have way too much of it. The CNA's at the AL couldn't care less when you visit your father or how it goes. They were trying to be friendly when they complimented the flowers. If I was an aide in that facility, I'd go on a break when you show up.

There is no pretext to see how you interact with your father. The aides are not spying on you and reporting back to your brother about how your visit is going. Care facility aides have a very hard job to get done. No one cares about how your visit with your father goes.

Please do yourself a favor and get some mental health help. You really need some.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2023
I wholeheartedly agree!

I can’t imagine workers worrying about visiting family members.

Especially, since the staff is busy with important work to do throughout their day.
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Are you SERIOUS?

Sigh, yes you are.

Maybe this aide really cares about your dad and wanted to make sure you weren't harassing the poor old man 😁

The aides in moms AL and in her MC loved her. They'd visit all the time, even after their shift was over, just to chat. There is nothing weird or suspicious about an aide wanting to see a huge bouquet of flowers imo. It's not often a resident receives such an extravagant gift.

They're not robots, but human beings who often grow fond of the residents they care for.

If you aren't bothered by it, why post asking about a "pretext"?
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lisatrevor Nov 2023
I hear you. This is still all new to me. Some of the aides are so caring I never could believe there were people in the world like that. But if I was an aide I wouldn't have interrupted a family visit, at least so early on.
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This happens all the time in offices, hospitals, etc. where the news of anyone receiving a magnificent bouquet of flowers would spread like wildfire and all the employees would rush in to see the bouquet of flowers. This is normal behavior, and it has nothing to do with you. You are trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. Relax, the aide just wanted to compliment your father about the beautiful flowers.
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Lisa,
I am sad that such a thought could enter your head.

What happened to your solemn promise to us not to write to us about Dad's problems anymore?
Is that over?

What are your plans for the Holiday?
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lisatrevor Nov 2023
Plans for the holiday? I said I wouldn't discuss my brother directly anymore. But if you want to know, we are all going to his house. My nephew's girlfriend, the one who insulted me the very first time she laid eyes on me, will be there too. I thought this day was going to be stressful, because everyone will be fake including me, but now I don't care at all. I'll just go along with everything and by early evening it will be over! Then I will go back home and treat myself to chocolate ice cream, which I haven't had in over a year!
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Nah. They just wanted to see the legend in person...
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Or, maybe the aides shift was ending so wished to see the beautiful flower arrangement before leaving for the day. They announced why they came by, engaged in small talk and left. Why make it more than that?
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lisatrevor Nov 2023
The shift still had hours to go.

I'm not used to that kind of environment. I thought I was a caring person. Many of the aides are on a whole other level of caring. Like angles from heaven. But to come in the room right after I got there, my precious family time, and the aide just wants to see an impressive bouquet of flowers? To me that's not normal. It could be that that's the way the aide is. When it happened I nor my father were bothered by it at all.
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