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It is then fairly easy to clean the person, remove the catch basin and the underside of the person in the wheelchair is exposed so you can clean them well.
That is exactly what I had to do with my late husband who also had no use of his legs and was completely bedridden. The aide that I hired would come and use a gait belt to lift him out of the bed, put him the bedside commode and when he was done, she would hold him up while I cleaned him up and put a clean diaper on him.
My husband had a permanent catheter, so all I had to do was empty his catheter bag once in the morning and once in the evening, so he only used the bedside commode to poop.
This worked really well for us.
So have you tried perhaps using a condom catheter for him, and having an aide put him on the bedside commode so he can poop? And if not, why not?
It sounds like you're trying to make this much more difficult than it has to be.
Forgive me if this sounds crazy.
There are wheelchairs with seats that raise and lower. Would it be possible to have the toilet raised even further, perhaps on a platform, so that it is even with the wheelchair at the lowest position (or maybe a little higher)? Then the chair could be adjusted up and down so that he is always moving "downhill" to transfer. Recognize there would be some cost to this but certainly less than a nursing home. Your husband sounds like a remarkable person. I hope you can find a solution.