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Taking care of the bills and such is a role all family members take on themselves regardless of their own circumstances.
The courts won't care about your husband's job or your personal problems unless there is a legal will and it seems as though your sister doesn't care either.Call an elder care attorney and pray.
charge, consulting a specialist would be best bet. I would think twice about being
primary care giver, think about live in help if parent can afford this. That way you can maintain your career. Most reimbursement is done on a pretty low hourly or very
low per diem rate.
Make sure you are being reimbursed at an agreed upon rate. If it's too low
consider other options. Many facilities are well run and if you are looking out for
your parent, they will be given timely reasonable care. Assets should be spent
on parent for their reasonable care and entertainment (ie not for luxury cruises
if it means you'll have to be shouldering their care costs down the line)
Whatever then is left over can be the inheritance. Just remember that many seniors
outlive their money/assets so careful planning is a must. Some siblings appear to
selfishly want one sibling to do all the care giving gratis so as to preserve their own
inheritance. Better to come to an agreement now and receive compensation up
front for your efforts and out of pocket expenses. And verbal agreements are
basically useless. Even written agreements can be contested.
Get reimbursed for your out of pocket costs for care (ie stuff you've bought specifically
for parents care or housing expenses) and pay yourself for care at per diem rates if
you can afford to accept such low reimbursement rates. Personally, if your parent
can afford live in care or quality AL, that would be better route imho. As you'll have
your career to help you once your LO passes. Those of us who ended up doing stints of
full time care have spotty employment records, poor health and that's a tougher
hole to get out of.
Ikle...There’s certainly nothing wrong w/being paid for what you’re doing & if you can have that conversation w/your LO then do so. Also, I don’t think it’s anyone else’s business but if sibs aren’t informed about it at the start it could be a problem later.
Just one other thing...as I’ve stated in a previous post...the whole concept of “you chose to do this so...” is just soooooo off base. Yes, I think I always knew it’d be me, the youngest, that’d take care of our mother but No, I had absolutely NO idea what’d it’d really be like or turn into. And, from what I’ve read on this site, it’s only going to get worse.
So no, this was not a choice. Not even close. I believe that there are a lot of us who simply can’t turn our backs on our LO’s; we just have that sort of humanity built into us. “Built into us”. So it definitely is not a choice. We do it as naturally as breathing.
But hey, this is what’s so great about this forum. The exchange of thoughts, ideas, suggestions. And I do respect everyone’s right to express them. I sure have learned a lot here & have received more support here than I have in my “real life”! 😻 So thanks, y’all.
Ilke...good luck. I hope you can figure out a way to be compensated for all you do.