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Tell her that you will do everything to help her get along well. Expect her to be angry. Make sure her doctor is doing whatever can be done when it comes to medications. She'll be changing with time, so keeping in contact with the doctor is important.
I like the idea of calling the caregiver a companion. Use respectful terms and try not to argue. Arguing will get you no where. Sometimes you will just have to let her be angry until she gets over it. If you can distract her, that's good of course, but if you can't, let it go. Good luck. This is never easy.
Carol
I am very glad that my husband knows and accepts that he has Lewy Body Dementia. We can both direct our frustration at our mutual enemy, Lewy.
But there are no one-size-fits-all answers when it comes to dementia. Will your mother remember tomorrow what you tell her today? Will she argue against it not just today while she is absorbing the shock of the news, but day after day? Will the message inspire her to be more cooperative or more rebellous or to give up altogether? You know your mother and you know what she is like at the current level of the disease. You and your brother need to apply what you know, and make a decision in love.
My husband was an engineer. Actions and consequences, cause and effect, measurable data is what he has worked with all his life. I cannot imagine not telling him what is going on in his own body. My mother, on the other hand, has used selectve denial as a coping mechanism all her life. My sisters and I cannot imagine using the D word or Alzeheimer's in front of her. Why cause pain?
Bless you for caring and trying to do the right thing. Accept that sometimes the "right" thing is unknowable. Do your best; act in love. That is all any of us can do.
I'm am 100% honest with her about her disease, as is her physician, and she's always been incredibly grateful for our honesty. I've asked her if she'd rather I gloss over things to ease her anxiety and she said no. "I'll know when you are avoiding the topic, I know something is wrong with me. I'd much rather know what's happening!!" The truth seems to ease her anxiety more than "playing along."
That said - we all know everyone is different. I know that what works for her might not be right for your mom. But if I were in her shoes, I'd want to know too. Having some kind of explanation for all these rapid changes has eased, not increased, my mothers anxiety; she doesn't think she's going crazy anymore.
Best of luck finding a good solution. Caretaking is all about "on the job training" adapt to her changes, go with the flow, figure out if she'd feel reassured to know there is a medical reason WHY things are so different for her. If you decide to wait until she probably won't understand, you could be waiting a very long time and may be creating more anxiety for her that simply telling her she has a diagnosis of ALZ and that you are here with her and you are going to get through this as a team.
Mom and I make a great team :)
Just a different viewpoint. My thought process is do what you feel is best, your parent may or may not except it.
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