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Put reusable calendar on her refridgerator and mark the days of the week her homecare aide comes. She won't pay attention to it, but do it anyway. Then about a half hour or so before their shift tell her so and so will be here in a littlw while, then point it out on the calendar. Chances are she'll probably 'showtime' like she remembered all along and will not work herself up.
The way to break a dementia loop is to answer the question once ot twice and then ignore the subject completely. Let her repeat the same thing over and over, or ask the same question a thousand times. Ignore it. Don't ignore her, but ignore the subject of the dementia loop. This usually breaks it.
Also, it would be a good idea to have her doctor prescribe an anti-anxiety medication that you can give her when needed.
Ativan (lorazepan) is a benzodiazepine class drug and it is like a miracle for anxiety.
I've been in homecare a long time 25 years and have dosed many elderly people with a little liquid lorazepam or even a pill. It calms them down right away without making them a zombie. Ask the doctor.
I wondered one day why when I picked Mom up for Church she was fully dressed sleeping on the couch. My nephew was living with her and told me she was up at 3am. He told her it was not time to get up yet but she insisted she needed to get ready for Church.
I would just get her up, dressed and maybe some breakfast. I would then tell her "now ur all ready for the nurses visit".
I agree with Daughterof1930 to slip some anti-anxiety meds into gma's food if she's refusing to take them. My mother with dementia had good results with Ativan to calm her down. There's no point in turning down meds that HELP an elder with chronic anxiety, let's face it. Yet being argumentative goes with the ALZ territory.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Best of luck dealing with everything you have on your plate.
My mom's anxiety is what landed her in a facility. Anxiety is a treatable condition.
Has gma been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist, who can explain this all to her?
In your shoes, I think I might get a large wall calendar and mark down when various appointments and events will occur. Consider that "informed" and see if it helps her manage.