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I talk to God alot and then just keep going. This is my place in my life right now, caring for my parents. Try to do little extra things to make there lives special, which also makes me happy. We are all going to die, but we don't watch each day go by like it's our last. Which is what we do when we view our parents like that. Have to just look at each moment as what we have now and make the most of it. It is hard to watch their decline, but I have to remember how lucky they are to have me right there for them. I look out for their every need and want and feel contented inside to see them benefit. Once in awhile Dad will be lucid enough to whisper a little thank you of some kind...or give a little smile and squeeze my hand. Precious moments.
Currently lives in assisted living apts. but has told me recently that she feels like she's 's losing her mind, she's on an anti-dep, vit d, iron, one other med.
Her spirits have picked up and she'll come to visit if I call and invite her.
This waiting for her to die *as I imgaine in my mind drives me crazy.
AND on the other side of "THAT" coin, I have the same feeilngs about my
husband. He's taking Jumaira and it has so man many side effects and it's deadly just as any another medication would have but these are a diferent type of drug for both types of arthritis.
His health is already comprimised with having only his right arm, (due to work accident) vision, sometimes one eye will cross over to see something else, thus maaking there seem "two" of something in the highway and the list goes on. I have no siblings, our kids have all moved away from this small town due to store closings when walmart moved in. Just a sad sad case of some depression, a lot of anxiety and I'm not well myself. A lot to deal with. Thanks for listening.
Just know that it is natural what you are feeling. You don't realize it now, but I think your feelings and thoughts, this turmoil in your head, will help you deal with the grief in the future. While this may sound cold, I think it can be helpful for you as well. Not immediately upon my mother's death, but within 24 hours, I actually felt a relief...as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. A weight of decades of worry and anticipation of what I knew was coming. I knew the shoe was going to drop. Now that it had, that worry, fear, anticipation of gloom and the unknown, were gone.
Many years ago I heard an actress on a TV talk-show give a phrase/quote which she said she had used to help her face tough times. I have remembered it and have called it up in my mind on many occasions to bring me courage and strength and help me take some tough steps. Perhaps it will help you, as well.
"Fear knocked at the door. I answered it, and there was nothing there."
I am also afraid that if she lives for many years from now she won't have the money to pay and aide. Besides paying all her bills I am constantly worrying about what will happen next.
Something else that I sometimes do to help me when little consoles me is to think of the day on which my mother was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease as the day when I could have lost my mother to a fatal heart attack or car accident, which makes every day since that day a blessing in and of itself because she is still alive and I still have her in my life. I do the same "mind exercise" with my father whom I almost lost to a severe pneumonia after heart surgery three years ago. I actively work on keeping this in mind to relieve my current grief when it becomes too much at times and to, hopefully, help ease the "actual" grieving that lies ahead if I outlive my parents.
I sincerely hope that, in addition to finding the tools that help you through your difficult time, your family is supportive to you and understanding of your grief and that you have at least a friend or two to comfort you as well. I wish you well and send you a hug across the miles.
By Beth Erickson, Ph.D.
Anticipatory grief is what happens when you know there will be a loss, but it has not yet occurred. This is what happens when a loved one is dying, and both the patient and their loved ones have time to prepare. Anticipatory grief is both the easiest and the hardest kind of grief to experience. It is marked by “stop and go” signals. With these losses, the handwriting is on the wall... but it doesn’t make coping with it easier.
Hope this helps..!!
Blessings,
Bridget
That is exactly what I feel also.
Thanks for those words and God Bless you!