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hug!!

just a warning: even the most positive person in the world will be affected by someone else's constant negativity. it's NOT possible for it to roll off your back.

you will see the effects not just on your mind, but on your body (usually gaining weight), on your face when looking in the mirror (unhappy), on missed opportunities in life (because your mind is focused on that other person's negativity), etc., etc.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2023
Oh, so true!
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Negativity sucks! Don't take it in. Let it roll off your back. Easier said than done. Now that you know she has dementia, you have to come to terms with things never getting better. And that her brain is broken and you can't expect good behavior from her. And short conversations are fine. She starts up - give her a warning or two. "Mom, this negative talk about my brother is really hard for me to listen to. How's the weather today?" Or just change the subject after an "ohhh" and tell her something about your world. I find with my mom with mild/moderate dementia, her self reporting of things that she has done or not done is very sketchy. So I just don't get too excited about what she tells me cuz 9 times out of 10, she has it wrong. That's Ok - it just is what it is with dementia.
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Why do you call her every day?

Call her as often as YOU want to and hang up when she starts the negativity.

I would suggest that she be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist for what sounds like depression and agitation.
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Your mother has long showed you exactly who she is, time to fully believe her and stop listening to all these rants. All that constant griping and negativity is poison to your soul. Plus your brother needs your moral support and that doesn’t involve listening to mom complain about him. She’s right, she can say or do whatever she wants, doesn’t mean you have to listen or participate. Good for you hanging up today, now make it a practice to get off the phone immediately every time the negativity starts. If that means a one minute call, so be it. Guard your own health, including emotionally, you won’t get it back. Mom's not changing, except possibly to worsen, but you can change the dynamic here. I wish you peace
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