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Individual situations are just that. Individual. Just as there are no two fingerprints that are alike, there are really no situations that are alike.
You say that "they aren't bad enough for a care facility" just before saying "their children are beside themselves with caregiving".
Those two statements together honestly make no sense.
This couple truly needs to be in care for their own good if the wife is, after two and one half years of recovery, still unstable. Or, at the least the hubby needs to be in care so that the wife can continue in some therapy and with her own healing.
I am sorry. Not everything has an easy fix. There is no happy way out of what is a dire situation; this is something that is going to have to be addressed so well as it can be without breaking an entire family. I wish you the best. No one can do much toward knowing the fine details in your sitation, but I know we all send supporting care and thoughts to you.
Nobody ever expects crises to hit, but they do. When we least expect it. And that's why we appoint POAs to make decisions for us when we're incapacitated to do so.
Wishing you all the best of luck.
This Forum has been so helpful to me, just sharing ideas with others in a similar position!
8 years ago, when I started on this journey, I thought, "I want to start a Blog".
But, I had no idea how to start a blog. Or Vlog.
But, I felt I was learning so many things which I wanted to be able to share with others! I had no medical training prior to having to take care of my husband who was a stroke survivor, with considerable brain damage. At the age of 53.
Every day, I was "Googling" answers to my questions! Often, late at night, when he wouldn't let me sleep, as he was groaning all night long! Those days were awful!
I only recently discovered this forum, which allows me to share with others in my position, and to hear what they have tried and recommend! It has been helpful just to know I am not alone! And, I have learned some things which I am happy to share with others who are just now experiencing an unexpected caregiving situation! None of us prepares for this! My husband thought he would die young, from heart disease, a sudden heart attack, or from a stroke.
He (and I) never thought he would survive a massive stroke and need 24 hour care! He is unable to stand, walk, talk, or safely swallow solid food, and is incontinent. He was kicked out of 2 nursing homes due to his uncooperative behavior, which they were unable to control with medication.
So, he was sent home. And I have been taking care of him ever since.
He fights me, pushes me, hits and scratches me when I try to change diapers and help him out of bed. He is not violent or mean. He is simply scared and vulnerable and being protective. It is very hard to deal with. But we have to.
Good luck on your journey.
How are your sister and brother-in-law "not bad enough for a care facility"?
If they need help with daily activities and it is more than the family can provide, then they are ready for a care facility.
If they are still able-bodied and somewhat independent, an Assisted living or memory care would be the best. There are varying levels of independent Apartment-style living arrangements, with a qualified care staff on hand to check in daily, or whatever is determined in the customized care plan.
That is usually quite expensive. The couple would sell their home and move into assisted living.
If that is unaffordable, they might qualify for a nursing home. Some are better than others. Or consider hiring in-home caregivers through an agency.
If or when either of them is unable to work, they should apply for social security disability income. Once on disability, they will then be put on medicare.
If they are income eligible, then they can also apply for medicaid assistance which will cover medical expenses they can not afford.
Children and family members often help out when a family member is in need, but are not obligated to do so. There are so many other care options to help relieve the burden of caregiving on the family.
And, yes, I think many of them feel alone in this situation. Caring for someone at home is such an isolating experience, and harder than we ever expected to face.
This forum is a great place to share your experiences and get or give advice to others who are also struggling with similar challenges. It helps to feel not so alone.