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The reason why they might not have any recommendations other than the 24 x 7 caregiver, could be because the rest of the Memory Care floor does not have that type of behavior. The interview for a resident can go just so far. After that, it is a leap of faith that the resident will fit in with the rest of the community and that the staff can adequately work with them.
At my Mom's MC, they did ask a lady to leave the community. It was because she would threaten with suicide and harming the staff. She did try to act it out once. They did NOT have the facility or the staff to handle that kind of behavior. She had a separate 24 x 7 caregiver that lived in the room with her at the MC. I talked to the caregiver after that, and she said that prior to her being at the MC, they lived in 2 adjoining rooms in a hotel. However, the family thought that by placing her in MC, that would give the caregiver some relief while also giving her client some social interaction. She thought that it might be back to the hotel and 2 adjoining rooms for them.
So yes, you can talk to the doctor and getting meds and staying at the MC. However, another way would be to ask the facility what they recommend other than a 24 x 7 caregiver and moving your FIL if they won't budge from that recommendation.
P.S. As you are interviewing other MC facilities, make sure you ask them what they recommend. If they immediately shy away, then that MC is not equipped to handle your FIL.
When you say assisted living, I am assuming a sort of independent apartment as his living arrangement. It may be time for a different level of care.
A care facility will try to manage patients behaviors with medication, or other accepted techniques. Try a different memory care facility with staff trained to manage his behaviors, or a skilled nursing facility which is more hands-on care and will use medication to control behaviors, as prescribed by their own contracted doctor.
As far as a caregiver 24 hours, that is insane.
The facility should make sure that he is involved in activities. He certainly does not need a caregiver when he is sleeping.
Talk to his doctor about medications and talk to the facility about making sure that he is not being excluded and that they make an effort to make sure that he is involved.
And, yes, if you aren't looking after him 24 hrs a day as they said, the next move will be that he no longer qualifies as 'independent' who requires very, very little care to live in their facility.
Ask if they have NH attached to their independent living facility.
Client was mean spirited and very loud, and wanting / trying to hit the sitter.
Sometimes this behavior is caused (or a contributory factor) by medications. It takes a while, unfortunately, to find what works.
It is possible they could ask you/r FIL to leave. I believe any facility can do that at any time. Doesn't put you in a good position. However, if I were you, I would discuss with Administrator (not dept director):
* Medication now / what might work 'better
* If Sundowner's is a factor - (get someone in there in the evenings).
* Find volunteers to be with your dad.
Consider your dad is confused and scared. He may not know what is happening to him and he is alone. He is communicating the best he can. Even a volunteer could give him a hand massage / offer some supportive comfort.
Whatever you decide, try it out for 1-2 weeks and see how things go.
You do not say how long your dad has been in the facility. Adjusting takes time - perhaps up to 4-6 weeks. It is a very difficult position to see your FIL going through this - and feeling perhaps helpless, with the fear of him being asked to leave.
If I were you, I would talk directly and honestly with the administrator -
"At what point might you ask my FIL to leave?" Has it come to that?
It is better to know where you stand instead of fearing the worst, without knowing.
I'd investigate / try medication to calm him down. Gena.
All the best
Most of the staff has so much to do with however many of residents they are responsible for -
I worked with ombudsman; she tried to help - a lot. Although in this situation, an Ombudsman may not address or be able to address the 'problem,' due to staffing / needs. From my experience, staff is not - and does not - have the privilege of 'time' to spend with individual residents, depending on their needs / time commitment required.
I would agree - getting someone in there even four hours a day to start would be good.
I am curious as to why medication hasn't been addressed. If on meds now, perhaps they need to be changed. Gena
I am sure her frustration comes from her life being out of her own control. I can’t imagine what anyone would feel with death knocking at their door and they are in a place they do not want to be. My suggestion is to put her somewhere she is happy or give her drugs so she has no idea where she is.
They just Reactivated after a 20 years Hiatus. Best of luck maybe a prayer circle for you.
They're in a protocol is detached mentality. Road runners delivery meals n pills. Notice if staff laughs loudly and a lot it's a psychic reaction. They are sicker than the patients. Find out what a Angel of Mercy is legally. BE LEARY OF CROWD sourcing.
You're absolutely right. Just because a facility claims to be competent in memory care doesn't mean that their staff is properly trained in that kind of care.
If they collect payment to provide memory care for residents with dementia and their staff isn't trained in that kind of care, they'd better damn well get that staff trained right quick before the lawsuits start coming in.
This complete and utter nonsense of hiring privately-paid help for a person in a nursing home or memory care is ridiculous. It is a smokescreen facilities put up for resident families because they don't want to hire enough help or train them well enough so they can meet what the facility claims they offer.
There is nothing unusual about the OP's FIL. People with dementia behave badly and 'act up'. They get agitated and angry over nothing. They can be unreasonably stubborn because they can't be reasoned with. They confabulate, get hysterical, paranoid, have hallucinations and freak out on a regular basis.
Memory care facilities know all of this and it's their job to deal with it. Not the family.
It's THEIR job to deal with your FIL. That is why they are being paid a king's ransom every month for his "care".
So tell the memory care that it's a hard 'NO!' on hiring privately-paid caregivers and that they can start doing the job they are being paid to do.
If they cannot handle your FIL in their facility, they can find him a different one to go to. Or his POA can give permission for them to start medicating him to help keep his anger and upset behavior under control.
He requires memory care now. And yes, that would likely in and of itself be about twice as much as ALF. However, an aid 24/7 would be enormously expensive; likely about 3 times what he is paying for ALF. Not doable I am thinking.
I would ask for an appointment with the ALF manager/administrator.
I think you should ask if it is the opinion of the facility that Dad now needs 24/7 care. If so, do they have a memory care?
If not, you will now be exploring a memory care facility or a nursing home. If that latter IS indeed the case it may be one reason the ALF that has no memory care wishes to keep him with them.
Explore options. Good luck to you.
You should also first consider seeing the doctor with your father. A try at a mild anti depressant (if this is not his advancing dementia that's the problem) or anti anxiety med may be the answer for him. It is worth a try if the current ALF is willing to work with you.
As we are just a bunch of caregivers out here, without knowing your father, his history, his overall abilities and appropriateness for ALF versus memory care there isn't a lot we can do other than ask you to work hard with his MD and with the facility itself on what the best way to go.
I doubt an aid 24/7 can be afforded unless he is quite enormously wealthy indeed.
I think you read too fast .
I did some caregiving, and sat with a lady that was violent, for a week, until they had another place ready for her, it was a MC that specializes in care for more difficult patients.
It was about an hour away in a larger city.
I feel like you mc should be helping you figure out you options, not just saying , this is the way it is. That's kind of disappointing that there not helpful
Is your Dad violent? Raising his voice with others? Are people afraid of him? Are there behaviors that are dangerous to himself, or others?
Can you give us a bit more information?
I would recommend to speak with any/all of these doctors about what the memory care said. Having 24 hour sitter indeed with be a high cost.
Anger and being upset all the time could be depression or something. there may be a medicine they can give him that may help a lot. I think you should reach out to the doctors as the first step. Ask the memory care director if you can hold off the sitter for a week or so while waiting for the doctor's opinion.