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My best regards and wishes to you!
M88
Do talk to an attorney, there may be some real issues of bending the law here.
My son is an attorney (not in our state) and he called me a couple of weeks ago, freaking out that dad and I don't have a will. (We've had one for 15 years, thanks, son). He wants us to do things a certain way--and we have what we feel comfortable with. I told him exactly how the will is written and that he will receive his 1/5 of the estate. Also pointed out to him that he hasn't lived within 1000 miles of us in 13 years and that he is not involved in our day to day, and had no say in what we want. His 4 sisters have never said a word about the will. He is a great guy, but he'd drive his sisters insane. Right now everything is aboveboard and fine. He'd come into the picture and the sisters would never speak to him again.
In REALITY wills aren't ways to manipulate people and get "behaviors" from them you want. I have never seen an estate settled where everyone feels good about the end result. Somebody has done far more than somebody else, yet the "no-see-ums" seem to happily take their share and go back to wherever and never think about it again.
But, in your case, an hour of an estate planning attorney's time would be money well spent.
My dad had a "chat" with him and he went, I let him push the wheelchair, dad was on oxygen(sounds like you know that drill) so that required carrying an extra temporary tank. Do nothing got to see a very brief reality of our world.
I have to say I enjoyed it.....LOL. He saw what my total existence was, never once said "thanks for taking care of mom and dad".
I'm always suspect when I see someone on the complaining end of the parent's will, there is usually a good reason for this.
I didn't say anything about not being loved...sigh. Many times it isn't possible to keep someone at home and a facility is the only option.
I was referring(try reading) to that poster that they had no problem with their siblings splitting things 3 ways evenly was due to the fact that one of them wasn't doing hands on caregiving without help of the other two, Which often requires the sole caregiver to give up their job.
Again, try reading.
It's very easy to split things 3 ways evenly when mom or dad is an facility, somewhat different when one sibling gives up their job, moves in with a parent, or the parent moves in with them, does all the hard work, is on call 24/7, while the other sibling who does NOTHING, but magically now has time once the parent is gone and now thinks everything should be 50/50.
Kind of like of going out to a restaurant, you get iced tea and burger, others get drinks, appetizer, and steaks, bill arrives and you hear "Let's just split it"....LOL.
Is your sister taking care of your mother? Sounds like that might be the case.
I'm a big believer in the adult child who does the caregiving should get more, they give up their life and many times their livelihood. So they lose SS benefits, maybe a pension, and earning money.
It's hard to say in this situation since so little information was provided. We don't even know if any caregiving is going on.
Sounds like he was placed somewhere. You would feel differently if you quit your job, did all the caregiving for your dad, and your siblings did nothing or barely helped even when you asked. Doing a spreadsheet isn't doing "hands on" caregiving.
Get back to us when one sibling puts their life on hold, which can include moving quite a distance, giving up their job to care for a parent.
Decent siblings should recognize that the adult child who did all that should get a larger percentage, not only because they did the caregiving, but they lost income and their SS will be less by not working.
Unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way, the do nothing sibling manages to show up(now they have time now that the parent is gone and the work is over) and think the deserve just as much as their sibling who took care of the parent.
The OP is very vague, and never came back, but I suspect it's a case of her sister is carrying the full load.
Sorry, the adult child who carried that full load should get more. In most cases they're going to need it to live on especially if the caregiving removed them from the work force for several years. If you're 58 and spend the last say 7 years as a caregiver, you would be hard pressed to find something in this still shaky economy.
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