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I know you need to get away to save yourself. But hubby has proven that he doesn’t have the man parts to stand up to his dad and he’d rather throw you under the bus. So, what I’m saying is that I don’t think he will throw himself at your feet when you walk back in. He may just throw you a load of dirty underwear. Just be careful. Have a plan and maybe an attorney as well.
I ask because it will depend on my answer. Boundries should have been set from the first day or as problems arose. Its going to be harder now you have let him have his way.
As I said on freqflyer's post, this is your home, your rules. You r an adult and need to be treated as one, not a child anymore.
I agree, you need to get away. You can think better alone without distractions. If you leave permanently, u need to have your ducks in a row.
Come back and tell us how things work out.
You also need to have a come to Jesus talk with Dad. Make it crystal clear who's house he is in and that he does not make the rules here.
If your husband finds out it's too much to handle then he will be open to other options like hiring help or moving dad to a facility.
If your husband handles dad's care sufficiently and without complain, then by all means, let him continue when you get back.
Win win for you.
Now, tell hubby you wish to have a family meeting with him. Present the list. Tell hubby that you are ready to crash and burn from the stress of caregiving and that he needs to take half of the items on the list. First take those things you don't mind doing. Anything else, take turns doing it so you or hubby aren't stuck with something you hate to do.
As for Dad-in-law treating you both like children, well that is the normal whenever a parent moves in with a grown child or the grown child moves in with the parent. It's the adult/child dynamics. Thus the parent now once again becomes the leader of the household. Father knows best takes over. Sadly there isn't much one can do in that case, just grin and bear it.
Asked hubby what would he do if something happens to you where you can no longer care for his Dad or, gasp, you pass away. Your husband needs to think ahead. Will he hire a caregiver to come help him? If he says that, ask him why not now as you could use the help. Or would he move his Dad to senior living?
I did things the way my parents wanted. When I got a home, I have a right to have it my way. Parents need to learn to respect our way of thinking.