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We can keep track of costs, but not all the time spent in-between the "big" things that we do for our parents. Not to mention lost time at work, having no social life to speak of, and the big one for me: advocating for my mother with doctors, hospitals, agencies, researching for her on the internet etc....exhausting and frustrating!
Ann: I could not agree more. There is nothing more humbling than walking around in someone else's shoes for awhile. The minute siblings complain tell them how nice it would be for you if they could take her for a month or two. Worked for my mom when her siblings were complaining. Now, here I am in the same boat.
There is another type of sibling that you have to watch out for and they may be the scariest type. They say nothing while you are busy taking care of your parent until the day they pass away. Then, there are all the questions about "where the money went." At least they are consistent; they used their parents while they were alive and now want to continue using them after death. And those of you who think, "my siblings would never do that." What the siblings don't think of, their spouses will.
I have so much on my plate right now, I hate that I have to do "bookkeeping" now in order to protect myself later. Meanwhile, my sibling was dipping into my Mom's accounts until I put an end to it.
I've said this before: Money is just dirty paper. What counts is how we treated others while we were on this earth, the friendships we formed, and how we treated our family members. I want to leave with a clear conscience.
A nursing home is $75,000 a year - medi-caid picks all costs for people who have nothing. what is the world comming to? I am tired of hearing about family members who sit on their fannies and complain while one person does it all. Might be nice if some of them tried trading places for a week.
Hand them a brochure from all of those companion agencies that charge between 15 - 20 an hour for tasks like "getting mail" and "remembering" and "phone answering" (seriously they actually list those items - as a bonus if you haven't laughed wait till you read nonmedical home agency marketing materials). Tell them any time they want to chip in to make up the difference you'd be pleased to accept it.
Then smile, shake off the comments and live your life. They may never get it, but if you and your mom are happy, to heck with them.