By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Offer her the opportunity to come and evaluate the situation, and maybe you will get some respite while she is here and sis learns first hand what the situation is.
Those four words caused me more stress than any other aspect of caregiving. Please could you fill in a bit about the reasons that your sister thinks it would be a good idea for her to be doing this? Does she have any special expertise, time on her hands, is she aiming to make some kind of contribution to your mother's care?
It sounds like you want to approach this is your mom'sbest interest and want to be fair to your cousin. Maybe the nexttime cousin calls you ask her if Mom's care is becoming too much for her, thatmaybe it is time formomto return to a facility. And mom'schoices will be much more if she is able toprivate pay for a wbile before having to goon a Medicaid program. Maybe if cousin thinks that you are considering another care situation for mom due to mom's increasing care needs cousin willback off. You know job security? But be very careful with the conversation.
I understand what you mean by being thrust into this without preparation, and that you are doing your best. No criticism intended here, but this arrangement has to be put on a sound legal footing.
If your mother has that much income she may not be eligible for a program like Medicaid. Finding her a facility she can afford and has the right level of care for her may be the best you can do.
I think it is time to consult an attorney who specializes in Elder Law. (Not a friend's brother who practices corporate law, and not a friend's mother who does family law. The specialty is very important in this case!) Be sure your mother has a Will, and a Healthcare Directive, and the POA document is adequate. Get a contract with your cousin. And get advice about what your mother might be eligible for and how to take advantage of any benefits she may be entitled to.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this high stress situation while you are also nurturing your young and growing family. Best wishes to you dear. Come back and keep us informed.
Then I would look carefully into what the going rate for elder care is in your area. Is what you are paying your cousin in the ballpark? If it is not up the average range, is there anything you can do about that? You say that all of your mother's income goes to the cousin, but how does that compare to what she would be paid if she did this work for a non-relative? She really is entitled to the going rate. What would you have to pay someone else?
My advice also is that sharing a bank account with some who needs caregiving is generally not a good idea. Mom should have an account that consists of only her money. You can pay for her needs out of this account, as her POA, but it should not contain any of your money, and you should not pay for your things out of it. Co-mingling your funds is just too complicated at this point. Separate your own money out of there. If you generously use some of your own money to pay for Mom's things it should come out of your account.
If Mother's money alone is not enough to meet her own needs, perhaps you should consider applying for assistance for her.
What is Sis doing with the $600/month she is taking in on the house? Does that cover the real estate taxes, insurance, any mortgage or remodeling loans?
Are you all aware that the state will take a portion or all of the proceeds when mother dies and the house is sold? (In an amount equal to what Medicaid spent on your mother's care.)
Why did you all decide to chip in on the remodeling? What were you expecting the final disposition of the house to be?
Did any relative live in that house with your mother and take care of her, thus delaying her placement in NH? If so, who and for how long?
Sorry to be asking so many questions, but clarification would perhaps get you more specific answers.
And Glad is right: if your nephew was living in the house when it should have been available to let, and he wasn't paying any rent or it was at a significant discount, then your mother has effectively gifted him the money she could have earned from the house during that time. If you have good reason to believe that your sister has not been transparent about all this with Medicaid, perhaps you should call them for advice.
When you say you "each" set aside $8,000 to cover expenses, what expenses are you referring to? And who is included in "we"?
But I don't see any harm in showing them the last couple of bank statements. Maybe that would help them be more realistic in their expectations. Are you the POA? If so, you do have a responsibility to protect your mother's privacy. Is she able to understand the question and to give you permission to show the others?
I don't think you "have" to show them, but if it would calm down troubled waters and Mom doesn't mind, why not?