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But momma wants to be buryed next to my dad...Like I could not fly her in...
But she had to be here so here we are.....Leaving fla to come to sc....This state sucks you in and you never leave..So get ready...Hugs to you...Sharon
I'd start by mentioning that your home is for sale and talk about the uncertainty of knowing when, or whether, it will sell - as a change you are experiencing that causes you mixed feelings. She may clam up, or she may tell you how she really feels about your selling your home. That will allow her memory to come and go on the sale and what it may mean to her, personally.
As you are within a few weeks of moving out, consider sharing what a relief it will be for you to live in your new home with her without clutter. If she is physically up to it, give her a box to pack anything she thinks needs to pack, even if she doesn't pack the box securely. Let her know that you will secure the box once she has everything in it that she wants to take and has written her name on it with a marker.
While she is packing her box, you could pack another box for yourself and place it alongside her box. Write your name on your box as well.
Keep those boxes in her line of vision (in her bedroom if you can safely do that, otherwise another room.) Use the visual of the boxes with both your names (and, maybe your new address, too?) as a conversation starter and memory jogger leading up to move-out day.
It won't be perfect, but may help her to focus and release her feelings, etc. It still will be hard for her. (Moving is emotionally difficult for me, always. I can't imagine moving at your Mom's age.)
Even if she remembers bits and pieces, that will be better for her than totally new surroundings, move-out and move-in day shock. Additionally, if you tell her nothing and then surprise her, what she may retain even if unspoken is a lack of trust in you. She may wonder what you will do next without telling her and become angry in inappropriate ways. If she already said something to her grandchild about the sale of the house and got the reply that she did, her unspoken anxiety may already be in high gear. She might erroneously think that the reason she is not being told is because the move is about her and getting rid of her.
Some special closure activity with her granddaughter would be nice, though difficult. Make it something festive a week before. Sunday brunch, maybe, with the little children's hand-made gifts and happy moving cards, maybe? If you think it is a good idea, you might suggest to your Mom that it would be nice of her if she wishes to purchase a $40 or $50 calling card as a gift for her granddaughter to encourage the little children to call her often. Gives her something to look forward to and something to share with her grandchild as she moves away.
Hope all goes as smoothly as possible with your move. Any major event while one is a caregiver to an older adult is a real life challenge. You'll be emotionally exhausted. Hugs.
Tell her now and remind her a couple of times a week. A small suitcase in her room, a box in a corner of the living room; anything that can spark a wisp of a memory.
-- ED
Within a week or so of the move, tell her what's about to happen & why. Then ask her to help you evaluate what to pack & what to sell/donate. Show her the camera on the computer that can bring her real-time interactions with the 2 great grandkids once you all have relocated.
Since she complains she has little to do, stop 'doing every little thing' for her. Find ways to let her feel useful around the house: ask her to fold laundry (you can put it away, if need be), dust uncomplicated pieces of furniture (you remove the knick-knacks for her), unload the dishwasher, as you already have done, set the table, water plants, get the mail.
Don't get uptight if those chores are not done perfectly. (Imagine how you would assist & accept a 5 year old's help.)
We take our 87 year old (deaf, crippled, & nearly blind) to church on Saturday evenings, then out for a simple dinner. One day a week we also go for breakfast or lunch -- he loves pancakes & pizza. These outings help keep boredom at bay and also help the person to keep track of time. No doubt about it, caregiving is work.
To tell or not to tell, that is the question:
Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outright RAGE,
Or to take arms against a barrage of questions,
And by answering them, end them?
Speak no more, and by silence to say we
End the heartache of a thousand questions!
Acclimating her to a change in location can be done under the guise of a VACATION, have her help "pack" will keep her busy. Order the newspaper for the city you will be moving to, have that around, so the 'move' seems transparent.
Talking about a move that will only create anxiety and make it more stressful for YOU, is not in my estimation a good idea. Only you know what is best.
Get excited about it and include her in the plans. She's a big part of moving and might LOVE to be included even if she forgets about it 2 minutes later.
There's no refusing to move... Mom! You think we'd leave without you!?! omg!
The above references to letting her know and it becomes an exciting event to look forward to worked with my mom. rip
lovbob