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You are right that you absolutely cannot breach their confidence.
They are afraid that this sad news would have a bad impact on the mother.
What impact do they suppose it will have on her when she, inevitably, discovers that her daughter was seriously ill, knew it, and chose neither to confide in her nor to give her an opportunity to spend time with her? Do they suppose that "we didn't want to worry you" is EVER any kind of consolation? It is the oldest, lamest and most aggravating excuse for avoiding painful conversations in the book.
All I can suggest is that you write the two scenarios down and give them to the ill lady to read. And remind them of the principles of Mrs Doasyouwouldbedoneby and Mrs Beyoudonebyasyoudid.
After that, remember that it isn't your decision to make; and in the fullness of time, if need be and it's still possible, you will be able to express your regret to the mother.
I hope you manage to get somewhere. I agree with you that what they're planning is... idiotic and demeaning.
2. Does your 87 year old mother has capacity? As she's travelling to see her daughter, it sounds as if she has. In which case, she's a competent adult and you shouldn't withhold information from her that you wouldn't appreciate anybody keeping from you. If your daughter were gravely ill, wouldn't you want to know about it?
I'm so sorry to hear you are in this tough situation. I know its not easy. If it were me and it was my daughter, I would want to know because then I could plan to spend more time with her. And try to support her as well. I hear your concern though. I would talk with the daughter and see what her wish is on this as well. As a mother I would feel very betrayed if no one told me.