By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
My first thought when I read this question was, it is the bride and groom’s day!
They are placing a lot of planning into their special day.
Show mom photos. She can share in that way.
Best wishes to all of you!
I've been in homecare a long time and had a full-time client with LBD who was invalid like your mother. Believe me when I say, there is no way to change a a loaded diaper in a public bathroom stall whether someone can stand or not matter how many people are assisting, and there will be a mess. I made the mistake of trying to (with assistance). It will not go well. Don't risk that in the bathroom of a beautiful wedding venue. None of the guests at the wedding should be put off their dinners watching an invalid slopping mush down the front of a bib. Feeding is a messy affair every time you feed. I know what a mess it is and I was doing it under ideal conditions.
Don't bring her to the wedding. It will not be a good time for her, you, or anyone else who's there.
I like what 499HopeFloats wrote about youth and their 'love conquers all' mentality... when you're young, healthy, and are full of optimism all things are possible and the world is a great place. But the bride would still be undoubtedly upset if your mom caused a disturbance during the wedding ceremony (constant coughing? uncontrolled shouting?).
Leave mom at home where she is comfortable and have no guilt about it... you are doing her a kindness. But make a party for her later- take her some wedding cake and cookies, buy some balloons, and have a celebration in her room while you watch the video and have fun. Perhaps the new couple could join you as well.
In my experience, the grandchildren are often the ones who push to have the grandparent there. They are usually young and have that “love conquers all” mindset. Their wedding is everything to them, understandably.
They still have their grandparents idealized and don’t see the decline in its entirety. It is hard to be the one that has to say no. (I am relatively confident there is still a niece/nephew or two that still resents us/me for having to make that decision.) There are ways to be firm, but kind to a child when telling them that grandma will be staying back. It is for grandma.
If she doesn’t really know who she is AND has all of those deficits, it would not be kind to take her. But, it would also be taking the day from you as mother of the bride. You deserve that time to be free to laugh and love on your daughter/family/friends.
We lose the ones we love and what is left is not your Mother and the bride's grandmother; what is left is a living shell kidnapped from her life.
I would not give this 2 seconds thought. I doubt she will even be much interested in wedding pictures.
I know how sad this may seem. If you feel this is crucial for some reason or your granddaughter does, then there must be the "escape hatch" of easy removal back to her long term care. This is my personal opinion, and I understand that thoughout this day of celebration the family will have thoughts of this loss, but this loss is a fact.
A wedding day is the day a couple has a right to lay aside all of life that is real, a day to hopefully be the prince and princess in the fairytale. If it is the bride and groom assisting Mom come I would have a serious talk with them about the realities of life they do not need in their faces on this day of celebration.
I wouldn't give this a thought where your Mom is concerned. I would embrace the hope and love the day represents, and lock out reality for at least one day.
IN answer to the question you’ve asked, my answer is “NO, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you even consider subjecting your mother to this activity”.
That said, has ANYONE having to with your grand daughter’s wedding suggested that you SHOULD take your mother? If so WHY? Whose experience at the wedding would be enriched by having her there?
In YOUR situation, I would pursue respite services, go to the wedding g and enjoy every minute of it, the come home and consider what should be done to give both you AND your mother the safest and best life going forward.
If you FIND she is peaceful and comfortable and SAFE in respite care, you may decide that residential care is a good permanent situation for her.
ENJOY THE WEDDING!
I remember back when one of my client's husband died. She had LBD and was completely dependent on caregivers. No matter how much I explained friends didn't understand why I couldn't take her to the funeral because she was small and thought that transporting and caring for her must not be all that hard. That's when I knew the only way they could understand why it was impossible for her to go was if they were given a practical lesson.
I didn't expect them to put her in the car because that was impossible because she couldn't sit up. On a good day maybe she could be 15 to 20 minutes at a time in the wheelchair.
They came by one afternoon a couple days before the funeral. It was good timing too. It was right before lunch and she was in bed (she took a mid-morning nap every day). The whole place stank because she had a full load in her diaper too and it was all over her, her clothes, and her bedding.
I told the old biddies to go ahead. Get her cleaned up, change her diapers and clothes, and get her into the wheelchair. They got all flustered and ran to the other room. Then they understood why she couldn't be taken to the funeral. All this could happen in church or in the funeral home. There's no hospital bed and wash basin available to take care of it.
Respite is a great idea.