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There are numerous friends and relatives who have died since my mother's dementia started, and I haven't told them about any of them. I love hearing her talk about many of those people in the present tense, and I'd never do anything to take that away from her.
If that means you could not go, check if they are live streaming it. When my step mil passed away, due to Covid restrictions, the family was given a link to allow us to watch it live online. Only 6 family members attended in person.
You have absolutely no reason to be “torn”. You are making a decision for your mother that will give her peace and comfort.
Taking her might well make her feel agitated and uncomfortable. Be at peace with your decision.
Churches are streaming online now, funerals and all.
My friend just lost her husband to Covid. The funeral followed protocols regulated by our state and they also provided a live streaming for those who couldn’t attend.
In your mom’s case, I don’t feel like she should attend since she was upset by the last funeral. Most importantly, why risk COVID? We are living in different times. It’s very sad.
Sorry for your loss.
I question your going if you are around your mother on a regular basis.
My husband lost his nephew, 54, from a heart attack back in October. We went to the funeral home the night before the funeral and sat with his mother, my husbands sister. There was just the three of us there and we wore masks etc.
The next day we attempted to go to the family visitation held before the funeral. So many people came in without mask that we had to leave. They had the service online for those who couldn’t attend.
In the past when my DH aunt, 94 and with dementia, has lost nephews, I have taken her up to the funeral home before the funeral or to the family dinner. This was before Covid. The last trip I found she was very uncomfortable and I do not mention death of relatives to her any longer. She really doesn’t remember them.
I have to side with your sister on this one.
I am sorry for the loss of your family friend. So many are dying now. It is very difficult.
Often today, funerals are live streamed and recorded.
If that's the case, you may play a small portion for her .
"Here's his neice, ___, singing his favorite song/hymm, etc.
My Mom, 92, stopped going to funerals 7 years ago. It's just too much for her. She didn't go to her brother or sisters funerals.
I think you should just tell your mom that because of covid, she'll have to watch the service online or wait until a memorial service is held at a later date (which is what most families are doing in my area).
Loved the analogy that by all means mom should drive to the service and renew her skills! If only it worked that way...