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It’s your choice…either way, MIL won’t remember you were there 5 minutes after your visit. Hugs 🤗
Personally, having had a whole YEAR of no contact with my MIL, I am finally beginning to have a sense of peace about her. I did buy her a gift, which my daughter will drop off on her back porch with no contact (she hates my kids b/c they are 'from me' so they also have had a year of non-contact).
DH has mono, so he is under 'house arrest' and will not be better by Sunday, so doubtful he'll even call her.
EVERY SINGLE visit with her since the big blowup of a year ago has been a small slice of hell for DH. I am not there to take the hatred and blunt caustic comments. He comes home, depressed and angry and frustrated. Evidently every visit is a slam session with me being the main topic.
She has not been formally dxed with ANY kind of mental illness except for anxiety. I guess 'really mean' isn't a mental issue?
It's mother's day for YOU too, right? IF you choose to visit, go on Saturday. My MIL routinely ruined Mother's DAy for me, year after year after year.
Go if you want, but have no expectations of loving hugs or even acknowledgment of existence. In 45 years I never so much as got a card.
She won't be happy to see you.
You won't feel good about yourself after the visit.
So, there is no point.
Often, guilt and "doing the right thing" sends us into situations we should avoid.
I avoid my very aggressive elderly father, and my life is so much better for it. I am happy and calm and not involved in his insanity.
I strongly recommend you do the same. Look after yourself.
When I went to see my godmother in the nursing home she didn’t have a clue as to who I was, not one clue.
My godmother had Alzheimer’s disease. I don’t think my visits meant anything to her and I always left feeling very depressed. The only thing that she ever said to me in a rude voice was, “Who are you?” When I replied saying that I was her goddaughter, she didn’t respond. Eventually, I stopped going.
Do what you feel is best.
The hostility just got to the point that it was soul crushing. Sometimes people with dementia seem to direct all their anger at one person. The neurologist kept telling my dad may never give up the fixed belief that I have stolen all his money. I kept thinking I could get through to my him.
After two years, I have decided my visits just make things worse for my dad; and they were eroding at my best memories. Please find someone to talk to outside of your family. Hang in there.
Sorry you’re dealing with this too. I know exactly how you feel. Dementia is worse when an evil sibling turns them against you. Hugs
Try moving the blame for the 'stealing' onto faeries, leprechauns or even ghosts? (Worked for older lady I met).
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