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A bedbound person requires 2 people to lift or turn. It's exhausting if you are the only caregiver.
Having been DH's ONLY caregiver for 5 major health incidents over the years--I can state that the next time he has some major health crisis, he's going to a rehab facility. I nearly killed myself trying to care for him alone. And now I have a chronically bad back and heart problems from the stress.
It doesn't mean I don't love him, but I know my limits. And they were met and almost did me in. All my kids were willing to help, but they all have small kids and lives of their own.
Take your time to make the decision. I really don't know anyone who is in a NH who WANTS to be there, rather than home with family. It just often that's not the best thing for them, long term.
If Anin84 moves mom out of the nursing home and she needs to go back, there might not be availability in the same one.
Adult children have the best of intentions when they move an elderly parent in their house to take care of them, but it takes over your life and becomes your life.
I'd tell anyone to explore every other possible care option there is to avoid moving mom and dad in.
You will not find many in the nursing home who wish to be there; very few would refuse a chance to move home. This is called normal. I think you know that you cannot and should not do this return home for your Mom. I think you are grieving, as is she, what her life has come to in her end of life years. It is worth grieving. But not everything can be fixed. And this is one thing that you need to consider with your entire family, understanding all that is involved, before you make a move that will be very difficult to undo.
Unless her situation is different from many nursing home residents, she may be asking to “come home” to a place that neither you nor she actually know. It is a common, poignant request on the part off the elderly with dementia to go home but as to the actual PLACE where they want to be is often in the mind only, perhaps the home they knew in childhood, or as a newly married.
If you have concerns about her present quarters, then don’t consider making a change until you’ve done a solid examination of the new surroundings she’ll be entering, and exactly how you’ll manage every bit of her time. Ask a friend or associate to help you. An OBJECTIVE ASSESSMENT is harder than you may be thinking right now. Break down the management of her day in half hour increments and make notes of her specific needs in each segment of time.
Check what resources will be available through Medicaid if she becomes a home patient.
When we did this, we found placement wasn’t the best thing for our LO OR for US. You may find your situation different.
Good luck in your planning and decision making!
But you don't know how long she is going to live on. Maybe years. Are you willing to give up everything for her. Some people feel this is very noble. But it isn't practical. Eventually, you get burnt out and depressed and sick your self. Parents generally don't want that for their children.
Visit her as much as you can. When she starts to miss home, it means she wants comfort. So give her comfort. Have a nice conversation of something she likes. Show pics of the past. Play her music etc.
All the best
Even if you hired caregivers to help with her in your house, she is going to get worse not better, and will require skilled facility care once again.
You're in a terrible situation that is very sad. What's best for your mom is for her to stay where she is so she can be properly cared for. Visit her and spend as much time with her as you can. That's all you can really do.