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I'd suggest should she be admitted to a SNF that you tell her that the doctors want to keep an around the clock watch on her symptoms for a few weeks so that they can determine the best course of treatment...Then keep pushing the potential discharge
date back a week or so at a time...
As I see it, this is not deceitful. I say that because years ago, I had a similar experience..Wife had massive stroke and was paralyzed and could not speak. I kept her at home for two years by myself...I then had a heart attack and she had to be put in a SNF. We told her I'd be able to take her back home in three months and did so seriously....Doctor then told me I'd likely die if I took her home and care for her by myself, I told her that the doctor needed a few more weeks to review her situation and symptoms and then said I was forbidden to care for her at home...Ten years later, she was still in the SNF and when asked if she had a happy life, she nodded yes. She finally died earlier this year a happy woman until the very end..I sat by her bedside twice daily all those years..Of course, being retired, I was able to do this...
Moral of story: Take care of oneself as well as the afflicted one..
For what it is worth.
Grace + Peace,
Bob
It's a sad situation to work through. I hope people who have been in the same situation will let you know how they worked through it.
Not knowing you or your Mom, it's not easy for us to say "Yes, definitely admit her to a SNF." But since she, like my husband, has health concerns as well as medical issues, caring for her will only become more difficult. IMHO, you need to care for yourself as well as her, and a SNF may be the best way to go.
You are at one heckuva crossroads. You have surely mulled over every what-if and 1-year/5-year/10-year scenario as they relate to Mom and her POV. As you work through your options, it is crucial to devote exactly as much "brain space" to analyze the scenarios as they relate YOU. And one more time -- as they relate to your son.
You and son have more life ahead of you than Mom. Sounds harsh, but it's just simple math.
If you continue to plow through as-is while your spine and neck issues worsen, how likely is it that you will enter limited mobility decades younger than Mom did?
Picture your life after Mom's funeral. Will you be working on (or completed) that degree, managing your own health issues and on your way to greater financial stability? With son in college or possibly graduated and building his career?
Or will you be so physically compromised that you are unable to work? (With or without your degree.) And son will feel that he has to limit his options in his 20s or 30s to take care of his relatively-young but disabled mother?? What a cycle, eh?
This gets lost in translation all the time, but the caregiver's health is just as important as the care-receiver's issues. Possibly more important, if you think about " the math."
I hope you can find a solution that works for your mother's issues, yet honors the futures that lay ahead for you and your son. 💛 ((((hugs)))))
What has transpired in the two years and two months since her fall has been all-consuming, intense, & nerve-shattering just to name a few. Like you, Dianne, I had promised my mother years ago I would do everything within my power to keep her at home in her elder years. Since her fall this is what has happened...three admissions into rehab facilities for PT following hospitalizations for dehydration, weakness, etc from UTIs. Discharged home all three times with Home PT. While Home PT was in progress, Mom seemed to be improving. However, as soon as it stopped, the same weakness returned, she was hesitant to do her exercises, and she actually regressed. She has had Granny Nannies home Care which I was able to afford through a county grant. She gets 40 hours a week. My sister, who has removed herself from any and All Care with Mom, reported me to DCF (Florida Adult Protection) on three different occasions for abuse of our mother (neglect & financial) all of which were falicies but none the less I had to endure interviews and inquiries. My sister is bipolar which only adds to the interference. She is finally more or less easing out of the picture (long story) but her presence in any capacity adds stress to an already stressful situation. At present, my mother’s ability to walk even with a walker is declining. Her dementia is worsening and her UTI’s have become more on than off causing worsening of hallucinations and delirium, weakness, etc. I still have the nannies and cams in the house to watch her in the afternoons when she is alone between nanny shifts...however, she now is having trouble understanding how to use the phone so when I call her she can’t hear me because she’s holding the phone upside down. You get the picture.
I feel at this point that a SNF is in our near future. It saddens me to no end to proceed this way but I truly feel I have done all I can do. Like Dianne, I have disc issues in my back, tendinitis in both arms from lifting Mom, and my anxiety is 24/7. My husband died five years ago. I had access to only enough income for about five months. I went thru my savings account and now am living off a reverse mortgage which is almost all used up. I pet sit to earn some supplemental dollars. But I am now very scared I will lose my home lose everything if I don’t start caring for myself. I have given my mother all of me for the past two plus years and it has enabled her to stay in her home, but I feel I am on the verge of a total burn out. I’m 59 years old but feel like I’m 69. I have health problems that need addressing. Somehow, I need to find work, something I never thought I’d have to do Again since getting married in 1995. Retired in 1998 from administrative medical work. I’m finding so many changes in the work force. It’s challenging & scary all at the same time. I wonder if I’ll even find a job that pays me enough to survive. A work-at-Home Job would be ideal for me, and I have had a few of those on a temp basis in the past, but these are difficult to come by now.
I will feel sad for my mom when the day comes to enter the SNF. However, I will not feel guilty because I know I have given her all I could to keep her home as long as I could.
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