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Having giving a little perspective from the other side of the coin, just repeat and repeat as much as needed. It's the loving thing to do.
FYI, since I started forcing myself to eat healthier my memory has improved and I now have a circle of close friends who understand as we all have the same problem. Lots of great laughs over it. Hugs and best of luck for you as you walk this journey with your mom.
You have to learn to redirect. You have to learn to go along with some of the things that she believes. (If she thinks there is a child in the house, is is a boy? what is he doing? what does he want? can she talk to him?) As long as she is not frightened by her beliefs, as long as it is safe to "go with the flow" then go with it. If it gets to be a bit much for you do not argue just leave the room. (as long as it is safe to do so.)
If this gets to be more than you can handle forget about her resistance and look for Memory Care for her. (Particularly if she begins to get violent)
Read the 36 hour day.
I hope it gives you some comfort that you are not alone. It sounds like you are in similar place as me five years ago. Let me ask you, what will you gain by calling out your mother’s memory loss? Will that help her remember? No. It will just add to her stress. It’s a real mind shift to let that go. It takes practice.
Yes, you indulge her, because there's really nothing else to be done. You won't be able to fix her memory problems, so more and more you'll have to let her take the lead with her version of reality and learn to make white lies to satisfy her desires for things that aren't real.
My mother invented a new husband when my dad died, ro for two years now we've had "Dan" as part of the family. I even went through the resentment of having my mother replace my dad with a stepfather I not only don't like, but I also can't see him. Still, he's real to her, he makes her feel safe especially during Covid isolation, and I've learned to live with the fact Mama doesn't remember her real husband of 66 years. Her reality is all that matters when we're together.
If you remember what the purse looks like, look to see if you can find one very similar and say - this was in a box, is it the one you're looking for. There is every possibility she remembers, in detail. a purse from several years back. The mind gets erased from present time to past time. So she won't remember you just looked in the closet but can remember the details of wallpaper she had as a child.
So, yes. Indulge. You aren't 'giving in', you are accepting the situation as it is
Please let her doctor know about your mom's symptoms and her reactions. Your mom may respond to medications for Alzheimer's disease or may need some mild anti-anxiety agents if she is getting upset all the time.
That said, when I moved my Mom in with me I needed to learn how to deal with my Mom's thoughts and words and not only did this forum help me but watching the Teepa video's helped me as well. It's important to acknowledge your Mom's thoughts and then redirect.
Your Mom can't help it and you can learn how to react to her so she doesn't get upset. Stress is the worse thing for an aging person.
Best to you,
Jenna
To learn how to accept that these changes in our loved ones are permanent, that we cannot turn back the clock and that we must always respond with love and complete acceptance. Very challenging but embrace the support I find here.
This is what 'time - outs' are for - regroup, find one's balance (emotionally), return to a state of equanimity.