By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
My Mom is currently in memory care. The residents cannot lock their doors and can wander in and out of each other's rooms. They are encouraged to stay in the common areas and participate in activities. Sometimes they do wander into other rooms and lay down for a nap or use the bathroom. Without daily observation it would be difficult to tell if there was a relationship brewing or just wandering about.
As a note to those starting the process of finding a community for their loved one: Read the community handbook, read company policy on their website, read the state regulations for that facility. Ask questions, even embarrassing ones! Make sure you know the rules and regulations before signing anything!!!
Mom's first community 6 years ago, had assisted living and independent living in the same building with no restrictions on activities or interactions among residents.
Mom, 75 years old, was a twice widowed alcoholic, newly diagnosed with MCI attributed to alcohol abuse. She had been "dry" and on Aricept for about a month when she moved into the community.
She was NOT happy to be there. I wanted her to be happy and make friends. If she met someone she enjoyed being with, great! If they had a consensual romance, great!
But, if she had access to alcohol, she would drink from mid-morning till she passed out at night. And remember nothing in between. Anything could happen.
I discussed this with the community social worker and Director of Nursing. They told me there was nothing they could do. They said they could not restrict her access to alcohol, even with doctor's orders.
I was not happy. I really worried about keeping Mom safe, especially from herself!
Within the month, the SW called me to complain that Mom was drinking and acting out sexually in the public areas of the community. She had a string of boyfriends buying her drinks at the community Happy Hour. She took the community bus to the liquor store to buy booze to keep in her room. And she was dressing inappropriately: short shorts, tank tops, no bra. Some of the other residents had complained.
The SW wanted me to tell Mom she was out of line. I said no thank you! They could explain the community expectations for behavior and attire! If they didn't have rules about buying or drinking alcohol, it was their problem not mine.
I mean goodness, as a society we struggle enough, don't we, with issues around sex and consent even without chucking the sand of dementia into the works. How do you know if there's consent? A million and one juries worldwide are still out...
Try to take the "aaargggh ohmygod sex" element out, look on it as a safeguarding issue aiming at the protection of dignity, autonomy and wellbeing for both parties, and take it from there: all you're trying to do is ensure that neither person is made uncomfortable in any way without unnecessarily restricting them. When it's a question of something so individual and personal it wouldn't be right for a facility just to introduce a blanket ban.
To us, it may seem that there can never be anything dignified about extremely elderly, mentally frail people canoodling. But perhaps it might help to remember that teenagers feel exactly the same about us.
A friend of mine has a 90-year-old mother in memory care who developed a loving relationship with a 99-year-old gentleman patient. She told her daughter that they discussed sleeping together, not for sex but just for the cuddling, closeness and secure feelings that it brings.
i think its ok to question whatever bothers you.
im not sure how memory care rooms are set up?
i thought i heard once that they don't get a private room any more?
are they shared living areas with more than 1 resident?
sorry just a joke, but NO ONES gonna have sex with me when im 90 :)
oh im female, wally is my cat
Nursing homes don’t really have many regulations regarding consensual sex between their residents. Some guidelines are in place according to an AARP study back in 2013, but for the most part, they neither promote nor discourage it. They do, however, have many regulations in place when it comes to abuse or inappropriate touching. I know. They had to open an investigation when my mother claimed some man grabbed her booty the second day she was in the SNF. But most nursing homes realize there’s no expiration date on a person’s desire.
I would, however be concerned about sexually transmitted diseases and infections. And checking for them can be less than pleasant for the patient. My mother went off the wall when she had to be examined after making the booty grab accusation.
You can seek the advice of the Director of Nursing to see if anything can be done, but like teenagers, where there’s a will there’s a way.
Have you addressed this issue the the Director of Nursing or Administrator?