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Explain to her that the care she needs is beyond what you can do. Her care requires the efforts of more than one person. If her response to that information is still refusing to go to a home, then she has removed herself from the decision making process.
Dementia removes our parents' ability to understand (in any meaningful way) the impact they are having on others, even those they love. We, their adult children, can't seem to stop expecting them to behave like parents; to consider our feelings, to care about our well-being. It's especially difficult because, on the surface, they often still act like parents; warning us to 'be careful' and 'take care', worrying about us. But functionally they are toddlers, only able to be content when they feel all their needs and desires are met. They're also like toddlers in that they are incapable of making logical decisions. They can only verbalize what they think they want and what they think will make them happy.
Call her doctor, get the ball rolling. Good luck.
then Medicare will pay for the first 21. If she had more than $75,000. in assets go see an Elder Law Attorney for Medicaid Planning. He/you might suggest paying for some expenses Now ie. funeral arrangements, final house repairs in order to sell. See an Certificed Elder Law Attorney before the facts not after the facts. Also I really like the way Caddygirl55 answered this question. Because moving parents or relatives into the new facility is almost always overwelming.
You can only do what you can do. I would not be angry with her or disappointed with yourself. Unfortunately, we don't have an easy way to keep your elder at home (where most wish to be) if you have limited financial resources and are an only child caring for them 24/7. I pray that we improve our care of the elderly and their caregivers in this century. Perhaps the huge amount of elderly from the baby boom in the next 10-30 yrs will cause the change. As a baby boomer myself I hope we can leave a better system of elder care than we inherited. The current care level is poor for working class and lower middle class elders. It just is.
God bless you I know how it feels to be torn up emotionally in this problem.
Elizabeth
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