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You handled things to the best of your ability then.
No one is perfect. None of us lives life without regrets. We can never go back in time. We can only move forward in life.
Your father is gone because of his illness. You are very much alive and have a purpose in this world.
Your life has value, just as every life has a purpose and value.
I understand that you feel lost at this time. You are deserving of finding peace in your heart. I believe that your father would want that for you.
Take time to grieve the loss of your father and to lick your wounds.
Seek out your path in life. Follow it and be at peace. Don’t hesitate to ask for guidance along the way. Others will help you achieve clarity in a confusing time in your life.
Take care, my friend. I wish you well.
In any case. The way to find your "mental peace" is to begin by forgiving yourself.
Guilt is a feeling, emotion we put upon ourselves.
We all do things we are not proud of. We all do things we regret. None of us can see the future. You do what you can in the best way you can at the time. There obviously was a reason that you got angry you just have to let that go, forgive yourself and resolve to try to not let it effect other choices in your life.
Your father loved you and forgave you just as any parent loves and forgives their child.