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Your situation breaks my heart....I prayed for you just now, and will continue to hold you up in prayer to the Lord.
I cry just reading your words. I wish I could help you somehow....but, we live in Arizona, and are facing a serious financial situation.....things don't look good.
I still wish I could come alongside and help you....my heart is with you.
May the grace of our Lord Jesus be with your spirit. Shalom. 💜🕊💜
1) Is FIL able to get MIL to the toilet say a half an hour after breakfast, and stay with her until it works.
2) Can you wake MIL earlier, get her out of bed on her feet, and give her something to eat? That might get things moving while you are still at home.
3) Can you shift her main meal to lunchtime, not dinner? A very light tea will drop the need for the toilet first thing.
4) Can you reduce the spice level in any curry she eats? Chili, garlic, onion, plus anything in enough quantity to be strong tasting, can make the problem worse. So can alcohol, by the way.
5) Can MIL spend the morning sitting on a commode, with a rug over her lap for decency’s sake.
6) Can you investigate the various options for bidet attachments? Particularly if she can use an area with a floor drain, a hose with an on/off tap inserted into a water pipe can let her and the surroundings be squirted down and out the bowl and the drain. It’s less intrusive than wiping off, and might be more acceptable to the sensibilities of the people involved.
7) You tell the people with sensibilities that there is no other option.
Best wishes, Margaret
Honestly Im reaching my breaking point and will look for an aide. I'm getting so tired. I will worry about the money later. Thankfully we have savings for our old age
If she is so far gone with dementia now that she does not remember what a Depend is and why she's wearing one, she cannot be left alone while you are at work. It is unsafe for her to be left alone.
What would happen if she decided to wander off while you're at work? Or wants some company to talk to during the day and lets a stranger in the house? Or decides to cook when no one is home?
If she can't comprehend why she's wearing a Depend and leaves it on the bathroom floor, the 'yucky and unpredictable' accidents are the least of your worries.
Don't use your mother not having any money as an excuse for why there are no homecare aides staying with her while you're at work.
You work four hours a day in a school. You do not support yourself on a 20-hour a week part-time job. Someone else is paying the bills and providing for you and your mother. Tell that person you need to quit your job or use the money you earn on it to pay for your mother's homecare aides while you're at work.
I've posted many times here that my inlaws watch her when I'm at work.
My husband is the breadwinner, He pays mom's pvt insurance bill.
Ive never expected the American govt to pick up mom's tab. Ive always explained this in the context of agingcare forum advising me to apply for medicaid.
Like I said earlier, Im tired and looking for aides to deal with some of the toileting and give me a break. My grandpa had dementia and I know how bad it gets. It's just my bad luck that mom could NOT stay on in her senior community in India because it had no memory care and I had to bring her here. My brother lives overseas and it's just us two kids for mom.
I know that mom will get worse and I will have to spend money like water in hiring private help. That's why I keep trying to stick to my four-hr job so that I feel Im contributing to her expenses.
Im thankful that most Forum-ers are able to see my point of view and don't have your critical voice.