By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
As it turned out the night she died I only stayed for 4 hours and then decided to leave early. I had a feeling she might die that night but I just couldn't sit there anymore. When they called to say she had passed I felt sad I wasn't there but relief that she was finally at peace.
In retrospect I know nothing monumental would have happened had I been there. In fact I think her soul had already left long before her body did. She knew I loved her while she was alive. That's what is important
There is no right or wrong in these situations Mia. Be at peace.
Do not feel guilty about your choice. I don’t know how long your road has been, but you sound burned out, and overtired. Don’t worry about feeling nothing; it will come when you are ready. As the ones who must go on, we need to do what’s best for us. We’ve put them first for so long. Their battle is finished, they have found their peace, and thank God for that.
Thank you for your insights, Monomoyick.
I hope that you found peace after losing your loved ones.
I was told by the Hospice Nurse that death can be a private thing and if they want no one near they will wait until someone has gone to get a glass of water, go to the bathroom or take a phone call. She even told me that a person will ask for a glass of water or something in particular so the person has to leave the room.
That is the way your mom wanted it.
As to the "ripples" ... Wait.
You will see ripples when you have her wake and funeral. The number of people that you may not even know will show up. Your mom touched each one of those people in some way. And the number of people that she came in contact with that never knew her, And if you take that a step further, each person YOU have come in contact with has been effected indirectly by your mom since she influenced you.
I am sorry for your loss.
Here are 2 quotes I keep by my computer and I share them pretty often
"Grief never ends.
But it changes
It's a passage, not a place to stay.
Grief is not a sign of weakness
nor a lack of faith
It is the price of love"
and
"Crying is a way your eyes speak when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart is."
Thank you for your thoughts on the ripples.
I'm reassured to find that this is a normal reaction and won't, necessarily, last.
I also feel numb and like this world is too "normal" and quiet. I really thought when my dad died that such a significant and poignant moment like that would certainly create a hole so huge in this world that it could not function. Something would go amiss, or there would be an odd power outage or string of thunderstorms, but no.
I think it is too much for anyone to process all at once. It hits us on every level and is a shock. I think it will just take time, and we will work through it at our own pace. Maybe if the world did not stop, perhaps somewhere in our psyche we stopped to pause and sort through it all.
Take your time. Whatever you are feeling now or not feeling is OK.
Also, for what it is worth - regardless of whether we were by their side when they passed away or not, I think what matters most is that we were there for them in their life. How we showed up for them, supported them in the final days, and during all the years we had them when they were healthy is really the best stuff.
It is normal to feel thankful that the suffering is over, it is normal to not feel the profound loss right away, it is normal to question if what we are feeling is normal. You will be okay and, you are your moms legacy, she left you and that means her life will live on in you, your brother and your children.
May The Lord give you strength, peace and comfort during this new season in life.
Last thing, give yourself some time and space. The time after a death is usually very busy, crowded with tasks and people. Wait until this hard time passes to see “the ripples where she slipped beneath the surface”. They will be there for the rest of your life.
That’s what it was like for me too.
PS Most mothers miss the baby's first breath too (it's at the doctor's end of the proceedings). The life is what matters.
In fact, your moniker has triggered one of those moments: a memory of Mum singing "I'm nobody's child". I don't know why - it just came to me.
I'm trying to stop looking ahead and just living in the moment, for a while, taking one day at a time. I didn't realise before that it wasn't in my nature!
You must have seen a lot in your job.