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soloinny: Scratch that. Great job on the bathroom door removal and here's one more reason other than locking himself in. When my mother was only 79, she ripped a bathroom door off its hinges when she broke her leg. Of course, the home was a trailer, but still...
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soloinny: Great job on the bathroom door remival
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*knowledgeable*
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Grandma1954: Great job on the mirror! We were thinking similarly! I'm not that knowledgable about walk-in showers with the seats YET because I manage with a standard tub. There will come a day where I probably will need to adapt to the aging process so I will keep this info on the back burner. Okay, now I get it about the "wet room" concept. Thanks!
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Llamalover47..I got one of the "Command hooks" and hung a $1.00 mirror from Dollar Tree on the wall in the shower. The problem with the bench seats in a typical shower is once the person looses upper body strength the start to slump forward or to one side. This can cause the "patient" to slip forward and fall off the bench. Some shower chairs can be tilted back a bit like a wheel chair back or a gait belt can be used to hold a person upright so they do not slump forward.
I am lucky I do have a roll in shower with no lip or edge so it makes it very easy.
And by "wet room" I just mean that there is nothing that will be damaged by water should it get wet. The vanity is up a bit off the floor so I don't have to worry if the floor gets very wet, the tiles are all non slip. This way the water dripping off the wheelchair does not present a problem for me or the CNA that help a few times a week.
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Grandma1954: I agree with you on the size of the shower. But calling the entire bathroom a "wet room" may confuse the person. We don't want the person slipping on a wet floor. The need for a wheelchair rolled into a shower...maybe...but many of the modern walk-in, roll-in showers have huge seats and many grab bars. Even a mirror may be able to be installed for a male or female (not that many female elders need to) shave and brush teeth when water is turned off.
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now, I wonder if one of those gates like sscoale talked about with the "secret" sliding lock would have worked at that front outside door
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I'm not sure I really understand why there would be a situation where anything would have to be broken by first responders, if they were never left alone and maybe I'm not really understanding what an actual "safety" latch is that has to be removed; maybe that's not we were really talking about; thought what we were could just be undone/opened, if you will, maybe thinking dad wouldn't have known to do that, so maybe the docs misunderstood what we were thinking about or maybe we were or maybe there was just concern that he would be left by himself, which he wasn't, so maybe there was just a mass of confusion, but anyway we were strongly told we'd better not do something like that, so....
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AmyGrace about her mom; anyway dad's grandson, who was taking care of him, had got to where he wasn't being able to handle that, but we'd just really found that out and were at this point of getting ready to try to figure out what to do, so anyway, he had woke up and heard him but fell back asleep; now we had talked about the safety latch thing but, like whoever (and I'm going to go back and see about it too) said that, maybe it's a good thing we didn't because even though this happened, we were told we would have had issues had we done that
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so, AmyGrace, how was your mom's getting up at night handled?
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Arianne, that's good; the hospital did blame me for mom getting out of bed; reported me and made me leave the next day, said I'd been there too long and couldn't watch her, so....my uncle, who I didn't know used a CPAP, came, then turned on the TV all night so she couldn't even sleep; maybe that was better, at least being awake, she knew what she was doing so didn't try it again, so I went back the next night, good thing I was there that day; anyway,
dad had a full bath in his room, but he'd started going out to the other one right outside his door, so when he was heard up that morning, either he also went to that bathroom or it was thought that's where he was but wasn't; either way, not sure how much an alarm would have helped, since he'd gotten to where he was being up and down all night like...let me go back and see who was talking about that
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Llamalover47, I suggest that the entire bathroom be made a "wet room and the shower as large as possible. Sooner or later getting into the shower will be impossible unless the person is in a wheel chair or shower chair. A bench will not support a person who can not hold themselves upright for any length of time and as a person becomes weaker and the contortions begin sitting up is a problem. So if it is possible to get a wheel chair into the shower area all the better.
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debdaughter -- No the nursing home didn't blame me for my husband's fall, and I told the medical examiner that I didn't blame the nursing home staff. The medical examiner didn't ask if thought anyone was at fault, but I just wanted him to know my opinion.
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I have a split level and Mom is in the bottom level. She has six steps up to the main level. I have a pressure gate set up at the bottom of the stairs. Because of the woodwork i have it set up about four inches off the floor. Mom being short and can no way climb over it works.
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We out a sturdy gate with a "secret" sliding lock on the back side of the gate where my mom couldn't see it. That way we basically had a double barrier in case mom tried to unlatch the obvious lock. As her fronto-temporal lobe dementia worsened quickly, she had to use a walker and couldn't physically get close enough to the gate to try to jiggle it. She's now totally confined to a wheelchair and doesn't remember that she has a basement in her home.
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I want to caution anyone who may be putting a gate or installing a door at the top of a stairway. NEVER have the door swing into the stairway, I've heard of too many instances where an improperly latched door has lead to tragic falls. The same goes for gates, if there is even the remotest possibility they will climb over or push it off the supports (and anything not screwed into studs can probably be rattled loose) then it is better to do without.
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We had tension baby gates in the attempt to keep Mom contained to certain rooms during her night-time wanderings. She would ram thru them with her walker.
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Cathy2014: Two other suggestions other than the gate at top of steps are as follows:
#1 Install a riding chair rail. (depending on his mobility issues a yes or a no)
#2 Build a partial bath on first level where his bed will be moved. Make it a small walk-in shower with seat. (small, assuming he has normal BMI)
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Cathy2014:
Be sure to install baby safety gates at stairways and door openingsHardware-mounted gates are the best and most commonly used. They are the only gates that should be used at the top of the stairs. A gate at the top of a staircase is the most critical one that you will install and must be hardware mounted. It needs to be drilled and attached to both sides of the gate location. Here are a few things to look for:

A gate that’s easy to use with one-handed operation.
A safety mechanism that prevents it from opening out over the stairs and will only allow it to open toward you.
A gate that automatically locks when you shut it to reduce the chance of “user error.”
Some of these gates are self-latching, which means you will not have to turn around to close the gate. Simply swing the gate behind you until it hits the latch, and it will lock itself.

Gates installed at the top of the stairs should have a special safety bracket or mechanism that prevents them from opening out over the stairs. Most often, stairway gates are attached with the hinged side to the wall and the latch side to the post. Instructions for installation are as
follows:

Assemble gate
Hold at top step. You do not want the gate to be out over the step in any way. You also want the gate to be straight across the step
Mark the hinged side and measure up 7” to mark the first hole
Check for studs.
Install wood rail, if necessary, and attach hinge to rail/wall/doorway.
Attach gate to hinge.
Use level to make sure gate is level.
Extend gate to proper size.
Mark gate contact point on latch side.
Install post kit/baluster kit/ wood rail, if necessary.
Mark latch holes and pre-drill.
Attach latch.
Adjust gate so it latches well and is secure.
You can use Velcro squares on the latch to cut down metal on metal noise and on the gate itself where it hits the wall
Lean hard on the gate to be sure it’s secure and can withstand a child pushing on it.

Gates at the bottom of the stairs will follow the same instructions as those for the top of the stairs. Sometimes, the gate at the bottom of the stairs will need to be installed one or two steps up to achieve a cleaner, more secure install. Many staircases have radius banisters that make a bottom step install more difficul
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We were able to lock the door to the basement. Mom tried repeatedly to take it off the hinges with a knife. She has been going upstairs to her bedroom. We are renovating (minor) to make the Living room her bedroom we had a temporary wall and door and wall installed for privacy. We are having a heavy gate made to keep her from going up the stairs. Mom does not yet have a diagnosis of dementia but does have mild cognitive impairment and zero insight to her limitations. We are laminating an agreement that she can stay in her home as long as she doesn't go up the stairs without her aide (only full bath is upstairs and she will have to go up to shower). Powder room is on main floor. This renovation is costing about 5K which we feel is minor. The big decision will happen when she cannot go up the stairs any longer with assistance to bathe.
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I put a sensor pad on my mom's bed and her chair so that I knew when she got up as she really needed to have someone with her. When the alarm went off she did not hear it, but I heard it. If you go online and type in bed alarms it will lead you to different companies to access. A gate was not the answer for us she could fall or get caught up in the gate and get hurt on the gate itself.
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Some times installing a regular wooden door as a continuation of the wall and paint it the same colors, even with a landscape or floral pattern for continuity, disguise the door that remains locked and does not invite the trespassing. It works in institutions environments, it should work well at home, if done well. Obviously a loving challenge trying to keep our loved ones with us, aging in place, at home. DB
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GoGurlz..there is a "device" that looks like a doorstop. It is an alarm. When turned on and put on the floor by the door when the door is opened and the top of the door stop is depressed by the door the alarm will sound. You could put this o n his bedroom door if you want to know when he leaves his room or you can place it by the door to the outside.
Another option would be a safety latch up high on the door so he could not open the door without removing the latch. Much like what you find on the inside of a hotel door. The problem with this is in an emergency you would have to remove the latch or if first responders try to get in they will break in the door or a window to get in. So it is not the safest thing.
If you try to keep him in his room maybe a mini fridge with snacks and water or juice so he does not have to leave the room, if this is all he is after. Not sure if he has dementia would he adapt to the fridge or not.
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How can we make parents home safe in case Dad with dementia starts to wander, especilally at night, and wants to open doors to outside? Can we also keep him safely in his bedroom at night so Mom doesn't have to get up when he gets up during night? He doesnt get up to use the bathroom, just to walk around, maybe get a snack. Hard do get him to go back to sleep.
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Arianne777..yes I was born in 1954, my husband is 10 years older than I am. He was dx with Alzheimer's 10 years ago.
( I think he also has vascular dementia but it is certainly not worth putting him through test at this point. )
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If he needs help with the stairs, it might be a short period of time before he becomes afraid of them or is unable to use them. In my husbands case it was 6 months. In addition to the gate solution, Look at other revisions you might need. At about $9,000 per month for memory care, it might be worth making other revisions to keep him at home.
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Depends on your mother's mental state. Would she try to climb over it? My mother did.
I considered putting up a gate at the head of the stairs so I could bring Mom for an overnight visit. Sis had a single story home with a dog gate with a door, to keep the dog out of the living room. Mom tried to climb over the gate, several times, she once even made it over, even though sis told her not to. She couldn't remember long enough to learn to open the gate first.
Knowing Mom could not follow instructions I never brought her home overnight the last few years. I knew she got up several times and I couldn't stay up all night to watch her. (Actually she didn't care at that point as for years before that she only paced when I brought her for a visit)
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Since I am in a one story house I pictured the OP's husband going down to the basement level, so when 1954 proposed moving him "downstairs" I thought that was very odd advice... LOL.
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but grandma (and Arianne, I was born in 1958 but my parents, especially my dad, was older) what about outside stairs? they didn't have any inside ones - well, unless you count the ones in the utility room but they were wide and never a problem - but he fell down both outside ones; somehow we thought that after we started locking the outside doors - if, indeed, the last time, it was locked; was supposed to be but could have inadvertently not gotten done that one time and that's all it takes, but I was told that even if were, they can do things you wouldn't think they could, like your husband; my mom did something similar when she was in the hospital; thankfully she didn't fall - ? re that; did the hospital blame you; I was given fits by them over that - anyway the lock was small and we wouldn't have thought his arthritic fingers could have undone it, but I was told you never know, so anyway, would you have put something across an outside doorway like that?
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Grandma1954 -- You've offered a perfect and comprehensive solution with an eye to future adjustments that will be needed.

Just curious is 1954 the year you were born? My older son was born in 1955.
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