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My siblings had died, and my only other Uncle was no help. My (sister's daughters only issue for next generation) nieces (who mom and I raised) decided we would take care of Nana and Grandma (my Mom). Both nieces lived within two doors of Nana and Mom respectively. So I traveled every other week to alternate locations to oversee the care being given and to manage the households.
Where were my 6 cousins? This was a good question. Two were out of state, the rest were within 100 miles from her.
I asked for help (trimming huge tree branches, painting, fixing the roof, and removing all of the stuff from the Garage, etc.). Things I couldn't possible do by myself and there was no money to hire anyone to do it.
One cousin came out to collect their father's things (truck, motorcycle, jewelry, photos, etc), trimmed one tree (did more damage than good) and left.
My Mom (who lives with me) was in a walker and could not do anything physically to help, but she called everyday (the call was forgotten after the phone was hung up) and SENT CARDS AND LETTERS, which could not be forgotten.
I asked each and every cousin to please write to Nana, explaining that seconds after hanging up the phone, she forgot who had called. Other than my Mom and Nieces, no calls or cards. Ok, anyone can forget her actual birthday, but mother's day, grandparents day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter?
This lasted for 6 1/2 years, until she died.
Here is my advice. If you are caring for someone, you are doing what you feel, you are supposed to do. Others don't feel the same duty, obligation, blah, blah, blah. Don't do things in ANGER, it is all consuming and your parent may feel that you are angry with them.
Anger usually stems from fear of having no control in your life. Don't let yourself get angry, just accept that you are related to a bunch of people, who have oposite opinions about the needs, etc.. and give it up to God.
Revel in the fact, that when your time comes, for needing help, you have gained a lot of experience on how to care for someone and know exactly who NOT TO CALL for help.
Lastly, bask in the glory of Pure Love. AND When You See God, everyone does at the end, you will have Honored Your Mother/Father.
Look at it differently. Seek help from others. Know you are Appreciated. Trust that this is happening for a reason, even if it is unclear what the reason is right now.
Nana said to me, my first year taking care of her, "thank you for being here in my golden years". One day in year 6 she said "oh, you really are my grandson, it's not just a pet name".
Conclusion, before she forgot who I was, she knew she was going to be taken care of. After she forgot who I was, she knew, whoever I was, I was going to take care of her.
Our adult lives consume ALL of our time. When a parent suddenly needs lots of help, their adult children have trouble carving that time out of their days. If one sibling steps up to the plate in a big way (like you have), that person shouldn't be surprised that the other siblings go on about their lives and don't clamor to jump in and help.
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