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If you are faced with the decision of whether to care for a parent with dementia or a disabled husband, I guess you'd just throw your husband under the bus. I can't make that choice and because I am the sole breadwinner in my household, and my Mom has means, I've chosen to negotiate a workable stipend for living in with her. (Husband is alone at home.) I don't have a lick of guilt about this arrangement. Glad you're able to make your decisions without guilt as well.
Sometimes I read the things people write about who owes what to who when. It is just crazy talk to compare obligations owed to children and parents. Obligation passes down the line. Our parents raised us and we raise our children. Anything done in the other direction is for love and compassion, and not obligation. Anyone who has been an elder caregiver knows it is nothing like raising a child, unless the child has a severe disability. Everything can go smoothly with elder care, but if the elder goes the self-obsessed route, he/she can drain the adult child financially and emotionally. Caregivers have the right to protect their own lives and try to prevent living in poverty. It would be nice if the elder retained the ability to care what happens to the child, but often this is lost if it was there to begin with. I don't charge my mother to care for her, but it has been very costly for me. I would recommend that other caregivers take care of themselves while caring for others if it is at all possible. Caregivers are important people, too, and worthy of care from self and others.
Beautiful arrangement. Each member brings what they can, that is what I call family living.
God Bless you both.
L
1. Wage plus benefits -- $20/hr for caregiving is an average depending on where you live (and even that is barely livable wage). Could be slightly less if you are provided room and board. Plus, at least part of your healthcare insurance should be paid for. Will you need a car? Who provides the car, insurance, gas, etc.?
2. Compensation within the will/estate. This may be good or bad. You could be adequately provided for in the will with part or all of the estate willed to you that would compensate -- however, be very cautious as to what may or may not be left? Will it be enough? If this person lives several years or needs to move to nursing care, etc. and that estate/assets may have to be used to pay for the care -- this can go very quickly (upwards of $16K/mo) -- so you may need to consider this. You could also have some of those assets transferred to you ahead of time if the loved one is willing.
Whatever you decide; PLEASE make sure it is put legally in writing by an attorney. This would include any "caregiving/employment agreement (include all your care responsibilites, expectations, vacation, respite care, sick leave plan, etc.)" or the legal will and addendum. I would additionally review/discuss with siblings or others who may have an interest in the will/estate so they are aware and there are not heart feelings in the end.
You will see from many posts, the burden of long term caregiving. Many started with good intentions and then reality hits when the loved one passes on and they can't take afford the house any longer, or they are older and find it very difficult to reenter the workforce and make up the lost income and benefits when they are nearing retirement themselves. BE EDUCATED and frankly, meet with a financial advisor if you can ahead of time and have them walk you through the scenario of what you are undertaking and the impact on your financial future (and that of your family).
The value of caregiving is priceless. I do not like to turn it into something transactional with an hourly wage. I do believe members of a household with income should all contribute to the household. Is mom living with you or are you living with mom? Who is providing the room and board and electricity? To put a value I would say an agency charges$17 to $22, a private person charges $10 to $15. Given you are not backed by the resources of an agency, the $10 to $15 rate applies. I do not think you can really charge a parent for companionship time.
What is Acceptable?. I bet the Medicare look back auditors have a rate range they find reasonable.
I could never have charged my parents. In fairness I am financially secure, so I refrain from judgement. all families are different. Also, my financial security is largely due to my parents working very hard to send me to private school and college. They achieved the American dream of having your children be better off that yourself, that dream should have a payback.
I would suggest if you are going to come up with a rate it needs to be something that fits into the budget and go with a flat rate, rather than counting hours.
Best of luck to you
L
The weekly amount would have increased as her needs increased...